He didn't move this time, knowing that one it would be futile and two it would hurt like hell. He did look away though, blinking away what he refused to acknowledge as tears. He did not cry. It was just from the pain.
Only his body wasn't what was causing him most pain at the moment.
'I do love you,' he said hoarsely. 'And no matter if you believe me or not that won't make it less true. Had I not loved you I would never have pretended to cheat on you - fuck I would never have agreed to not fuck other people in the first place.'
He sighed, letting his head fall back as he stared at the ceiling rather than looking at Percy. Looking at him hurt too much, even if he knew that he deserved it. 'Miles? You think I fucking told Miles?' It was almost laughable. 'I didn't tell him about my mother, why would I tell him about you? I thought I was fucking Susan, he was sure of it and I made sure he stayed sure of it. There is no way in fucking hell that I would have ever told him.'
While he was talking, he'd turned his eyes to look at Percy again. Only a little, not as much, because he still felt like he could barely breathe, and what Percy said next hardly made that better. Rather it induced a fresh new pain as he felt his hope being ripped from him. He knew he had no right to ask, he knew it, and yet the thought of not being there, of having to go back to his own depressing flat, was enough to make him want to stay where he was.
'Miles won't say anything, other than to Rodolphus, because he doesn't dare to. As much as he has been forced to blackmail me, he has not left me without information to use against him and he knows it.' He still knew that Percy was right. Who was to say that Rodolphus wouldn't leak just to fuck with him, with them? He was quiet, biting his lip.
'I will understand if you don't want me back there,' he finally said, though his voice was barely a whisper as he forced the words out. 'Though if that is the case I'd rather stay here than go home. I can't stand it there.' For a moment he wondered if Susan had found the letters. The several letters to Percy he started but never finished.
Of course she hadn't. If she had she would have known more about what was going on. She had been clueless the day before and she wasn't one to hide what she knew. She would have gone to Percy with it, no matter what she thought of him, she would have gone to him with what she knew if she'd known anything at all.