Snarry Children's Rhymes Title: Jump Rope/Clapping Rhymes for Snarry Fans Author: elfwreck Rating: Ummm… what rating for use of the F-word? Nothing graphic. Word Count: 170 Warnings: Crack, plus the warnings you'd expect for children's rhymes if they were reviewed the way fanfic is normally done. Highlight to view * Hatesex, unrealistic sex (multiple times per night), implied chan, imprisonment, rape, implied insanity. * Mostly included to remind myself that anything might be considered warn-able to some people, and for the ridiculousness of warning for crack.
Summary: Imagine a group of Hogwarts schoolchildren, many years after the events of DH (your choice if that's "after the final chapter" or "after the epilogue"), with their enchanted jumprope that doesn't require anyone to hold the ends. Of course, they won't be saying Muggle jump-rope rhymes; they'll have their own. Muggle kids chant about Lizzie Borden and London Bridges. Wizard kids make up rhymes about their own heroes. A/N: Mock censorship; it's the only way to defeat it in the long run. If you really want to guarantee an idea will never die, convince an eight-year-old that it's funny. (Anyone who wants to actually convince 8-year-olds to use these is recommended to replace the word "fuck" with "kiss," wherever it happens to appear.)
Tune: Cinderella jump rope rhyme Snape and Harry Oh so wary Met outside the apothecary Got in a fight Then kissed for spite; How many times did they fuck that night? 1, 2, 3, 4…
Tune: Oh Little Playmate (which I learned as "O say say playmate") Oh little Potter It's time to face your due, So bring your sidekicks two I'm waiting at the Floo Or use a Portkey To get to Voldemort And then we'll see who wins this wizard's war.
No no no Snape-mate; Not gonna fight today I've just found out I'm gay Your clothes are in the way. Don't have a Portkey, To hell with Voldemort 'Cos our sex magic wins this wizard's war.
Tune: Miss Mary Mack Professor Snape, Snape, Snape Who wears a cape, cape, cape He captured Potter, Potter, Potter And wanted to rape, rape rape. He begged for Albus, Albus, Albus To send him a sign, sign, sign 'Cos he's in Azkaban, Azkaban, Azkaban And out of his mind, mind, mind. They fucked so hard, hard, hard They scared the guard, guard, guard And they escaped, scaped, scaped To the Hogwarts' yard, yard, yard.