InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "teh love owns me!"

Emily Cauldwell (unscathed) wrote in badwater_rpg,
@ 2009-01-20 12:15:00

Entry tags:

emily cauldwell, gabe sherlock, january

Who: Emily and Gabe
What: Visiting Gabe at the lighthouse
Where: The lighthouse
When: Late afternoon
Rating: TBD

Emily's head had been a mess as of late. Evan had revealed he was still just as much of an ass as he always had been and that he had used Dylan as some warped attempt to win her back, despite his already having a girlfriend. Dylan had stabbed his ex-lover, though he claimed otherwise. Alena, Angie, and Cookie had been attacked by Grant and Asher, and Cookie had died. She knew Gabe was a mess over everything that happened, especially after the brief and not so polite conversation they'd had on the phone shortly after it had happened, which meant she wasn't going to be laying her problems on him any time soon. Gabe had taken care of her plenty of times, and though she had done so a few times, she was almost glad for the chance to turn the tables and take care of him for once.

She was, however, uneasy as she drove to the lighthouse, parking a safe distance away to avoid suspicion. Gabe had said they needed to talk about what had happened that week. Had something more happened than she had realized? Sighing softly, she locked her car behind her and made her way into the lighthouse. It was bizarre that they had a headquarters now. It was like a comic book had come to life, but Emily preferred not to put too much thought into it as she locked the doors behind her, hesitantly walking to find Gabe. It didn't take long, and she offered a weak smile as she knocked on the outside of the door frame. "Hey."

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ohshitsherlock
2009-01-20 09:30 pm UTC (link)

Gabe was used to cleaning up the destruction Alena left in her wake. He'd come by to check on her and Sam a little while ago, and use his own laptop, which was currently in Alena's care - as she still hadn't been by her own apartment - and so Gabe had donated his to her use during her recovery so she wouldn't kill Sam or something during the withdrawals from her internet addiction. He barely had time to miss it, himself, busy with the preparations for a new semester starting tomorrow. But he still stopped by for a little while, and ended up cleaning up some of the mess that was a result of Alena's little art project in the main room. He'd rolled his eyes when he saw his own likeness clad in leggings, but it was shaping up to be a masterpiece. A messy one.

He was gathering up cups of turpentine and murky water when Emily came in, and Gabe looked up, returning her sort-of smile. "Hi. Lemme dump these, and then let's take a walk." He didn't know where Sam and Alena were, but they were both nosy. Gabe shrugged his jacket on, and then led the way up out of the basement to walk along the rocky coast. He didn't like water so much, especially when it was so cold, but he liked it here.

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unscathed
2009-01-20 09:52 pm UTC (link)

It was good seeing him in person. Hearing his voice over the phone, particularly with the harshness of their last encounter, wasn't the same. Deciding to ignore the fact that he hadn't given her his usual kiss as he passed her by, Emily followed him up, zipping up her jacket as she let her gaze drift to the water and its continuous crashing upon the rocky coastline.

"Alena sounds like she's been doing better," she offered, her hands disappearing into the warmth of her pockets. "I know that must've been really awful for you."

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ohshitsherlock
2009-01-20 10:08 pm UTC (link)

He cleared his throat uncomfortably, his eyes anywhere but on Emily. His shoes, the rocks they were stepping over, the waves on the rocks, the ocean in the distance. Guilt was not Gabe's favorite feeling, and he didn't deal with it well. "Yeah," he croaked. "It was..."

Taking a deep breath and screwing up his nerve, he willed himself to continue. "It's weird, how much has changed so quickly." He stopped and turned to face her, his hands clenched into fists in his pockets and a little frown on his face. "My feelings for you haven't. But I've realized...I haven't been fair to you." I haven't been fair to either of us.

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unscathed
2009-01-20 10:19 pm UTC (link)

She was about to move to rest a hand on his shoulder, but his words stopped her dead in her tracks. His uncomfortable body language was one thing, the lack of eye contact, his tense posture, but the second he brought up feelings, she felt her heart leap into her throat.

She physically jolted at the sound of his voice in her head, but quickly regained composure when she remembered what he had told her on the phone. Her own thoughts were a blur as she tried to keep herself from jumping to conclusions, her voice coming out embarrassingly shaky. "What's going on, Gabe?" she asked. "We haven't really talked a lot, I know. But I thought I should give you some space."

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ohshitsherlock
2009-01-20 10:30 pm UTC (link)

"I know, I...it's not about..." Gabe fumbled, stumbling over his words. He had always been the dumpee in the past. That hurt a lot, but being on the other side of things was just as hard, he was finding.

He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated as he continued to fail to put together what he was trying to say. "I think...you deserve somebody that loves you. Not that I don't, but I think you deserve somebody that can love only you."

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unscathed
2009-01-20 10:44 pm UTC (link)

Being dumped by Evan had hurt a whole hell of a lot, but this, Emily was sure, hurt an awful lot more. She hadn't loved Evan, and she certainly had never actually worked up the gall to tell him so like she had with Gabe. She had expected the split with Evan. He was an arrogant asshole, but Gabe had come out of the blue. They had been fine just days prior. They had celebrated New Years, and they'd been happy, and everything had been okay. How could things have changed so quickly?

She quickly lost the battle against her tears as she stared at him, her heart rate soaring, her stomach feeling like it was ready to empty its contents any second now.

"Alena?" she choked out. And just when she thought things were beginning to look up for the two of them, too. "You're... you're getting back together with her?" What had happened to knowing she wasn't healthy for him? What had happened to knowing he would never be happy with her? It was only a month ago that Alena had begged him to come back and he had shot her down. It didn't make sense. Why was he doing this?

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ohshitsherlock
2009-01-20 10:55 pm UTC (link)

He looked away quickly, unable to watch her cry, and swallowed a lump in his own throat before he could speak again. "I don't know what's going to happen."

Gabe honestly didn't. Could he and Alena work, or would they crash and burn like they had so many other times? Would they even make it that far? Gabe didn't often throw caution to the wind like he was by giving up a relationship with Emily for...he didn't even know what with Alena. Maybe loving Alena wasn't healthy for him, but pretending he didn't wasn't either. Gabe chewed on his lip hard, silently looking out over the water. He'd made a decision, but giving up Emily still hurt, and knowing he was hurting her caused him even more pain.

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unscathed
2009-01-20 11:19 pm UTC (link)

"So what was I?" she asked, her emotions following their typical pathway when this sort of thing happened (shock, sadness, anger- a pattern Gabe was no doubt familiar with by now) as she gave way to her frustration. "A convenient placeholder while you waited around to see if you missed her enough to put up with her crap?" To be honest, Emily had been terrified of that notion when they had first gotten together. Everyone thought Gabe had chosen the wrong person. Everyone thought he was supposed to be with Alena. Everyone thought they belonged together. No one would be upset that he and Emily had split. Everyone would be thrilled to see the 'rightful' couple back together, and the thought made Emily feel sick.

"You told me you loved me," she whispered, wishing there was some way to shove all her thoughts into his head as he could do so freely with his own, to force him to feel the emotions he refused to see on her face. "How could you say that to me?" Before he could answer, she added harshly, "And don't you say you love us both because it's obvious you don't."

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ohshitsherlock
2009-01-20 11:34 pm UTC (link)

Gabe finally turned slowly to look at her. He'd been waiting for the anger, and she didn't disappoint. "No," he said, calmly as he could, though he knew she probably wouldn't believe him. "You were..." I did love you...didn't I? I thought I did. Emotions were way too confusing. He knew he loved Alena, and he had for years. Was there a right way to love somebody? What he felt for Emily was so different...and he was giving himself a headache thinking about it.

He continued to gnaw on his lip as she shot questions at him accusingly, then finally just looked at her sadly. "I'm sorry I...wasted your time," he said, before lifting a hand to shove his hair out of his eyes and turning away again.

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unscathed
2009-01-21 12:34 am UTC (link)

"You thought you loved me." Her voice cracked as his thoughts pierced her own once more. "You know, I really thought you did, too." Her mind drifted back to New Year's, when she'd kissed him as the clock struck 12:00. You know the person you kiss at midnight is the one you're supposed to spend the rest of the year with. And then the power had gone out. If that wasn't an omen, she wasn't sure what was.

"My time? Fuck, Gabe." She let out a bitter laugh as she wiped at the rivulets that had formed on her cheeks. Was that all he had put into it? Time?

"Do you remember when we got those dossiers?" she asked. "Emily Sherlock. God, I was so happy, and then I kept reading, and I saw what had happened to you, and-" It was her turn to look away. "And it killed me. I even tried letting you go because seeing you with her was better than seeing you dead because I loved you. But you didn't go, and Jesus Christ, I was so happy you told me to shut the hell up.” Emily snatched up a loose rock, fidgeting with it in her hands. “And you made me believe it would be okay, and that… in a few years, we’d be married, our own family.” She threw the stone with a considerable force toward the water then, glaring as it disappeared into the waves.

“God, I’m such a fucking idiot.”

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ohshitsherlock
2009-01-21 12:55 am UTC (link)

He scuffed the side of his sneakers on the rock he was standing on, cursing that god damn future for only about the billionth time. Gabe had been more preoccupied with the fact that he'd been dead than that he'd been married. Had he given her false hope, when he'd told her he wasn't leaving her then? Probably. Gabe had done some shitty things in his life, and this had to be in the top ten.

But he still didn't say anything. There wasn't really anything he could say to make her feel better. Gabe let her talk, just glad she wasn't throwing rocks at him, and when she was done, the corner of his mouth quirked up in a humorless smile. Aren't we all?

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unscathed
2009-01-21 01:04 am UTC (link)

Emily wanted to throw rocks at him. She wanted to punch him and hit him and make him understand how badly he'd hurt her, and at the same time she wanted to kiss him, hug him, make him understand that htey were good together, that they could be happy together.

But she would do neither. Instead, she stared out over the ocean. "Just go, please," she mumbled, irritated with herself as her tears started up again.

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ohshitsherlock
2009-01-21 01:12 am UTC (link)

Gabe hesitated for a moment, staying where he was. If he left, it would really be over. Was this what he wanted? He sniffed, rubbing his cold nose.

Then he stuck his hands back into his pockets and turned away from the water, and Emily, and picked his way back along the coastline without another word, feeling rather numb. Instead of going back into the lighthouse, he fished his car keys out of his pockets. Once inside, he let out a shaky breath. Well, he'd made his decision. Now...Gabe had no idea what to do, but pain meds and a good long sleep sounded very appealing. He was done thinking for a while.

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