InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Run away!"

no (electricrobin) wrote in badwater_rpg,
@ 2008-11-17 21:27:00

Entry tags:

dietre abendroth, november, robin chambers

Who: Robin & Dietre
What: Taking care of his neighbor
When: Monday night
Where: Dietre's Place

He'd just happened to be online when Dietre's entry came up. Miserable, tired, contemplating alcoholism...Never good things. Something was bothering him, and Robin suspected it was the whole 'magic dog' thing. There were only so many people you could tell that to, and as the other had already trusted Robin with that secret, it made him ideal for talking to. Of course, he could have just been nice and spoken with him privately through the journals, but there was only so much one could do for a person through the computer. Besides, it was stupid to do that when the younger male was just a few steps outside his door. What kind of neighbor would he be if he didn't at least go over to offer a friendly ear or something?

So he knocked on D's door, armed with everything he could think of to make the other feel better and get to sleep. A thermos of warm milk, cookies, some nyquil, and a hot water bottle. Of course, with all this in his arms, it was kind of hard to knock, but he managed it. Maybe a little bit of over kill, but the idea was that something had to work. He had options this way.

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silentsonata
2008-11-17 08:56 pm UTC (link)

Dietre was angry at himself, disgusted, really. Why was it that when his father cut him off for good he had to go and deteriorate? Shouldn't he be happy? He was free from that constant, oppressive cloud. And he had always been alone anyway, so why did he feel so much more isolated now? The hired help hadn't paid any more attention to him than his father had, and if he wanted to be technical, there were more people in this apartment building than there could ever have been in his father's house. Trying to convince himself that he had nothing to be upset about never worked, and honestly, the fact he had to attempt it at all was even more depressing.

It looked like it was going to be another night of running away from his thoughts, drowning them the piano for as long as he could. He had been on a Chopin binge lately, and tonight it was Raindrop. He was deep into the piece when the sound of knocking unexpectedly interrupted him. Was it too late to be playing? Perhaps some one was complaining...

The boy rose, followed by the black dog that had recently become his constant shadow. What a surprise when he opened the door! For a moment he could just stand there and blink. D looked as tired as his journal entry had said, a dullness in his eyes that spoke of depression.

"..Robin?" His gaze fell on that awkward armful, pure confusion on his face, but also...a brightening. His lip curved ever so slightly for the briefest of moments. His neighbor looked ridiculous.

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electricrobin
2008-11-17 09:11 pm UTC (link)

Okay, so moment of truth! Explain himself the right way and be the sweet neighbor slash good friend. Screw up and become the totally nosy, nutter guy that lives next door, who assumes waaay to much on their friendship. It shouldn't be very hard, but Robin could have all the best intentions and still say something the wrong way -- screwing the whole thing up. He offered a smile, warm but still a little embarrassed as he shifted the awkward bundle in his arms while D looked at the stuff.

"So. I saw your journal, and heard you were still awake. Figured I'd offer a few alternatives to alcoholism." Robin said, bobbing from one foot to the other anxiously. His gaze flickered for a moment to the black dog, but turned promptly back to Dietre.

"Can I come in?" He added hopefully. "We can see about getting you a proper nights sleep." It would, admittedly, be very disappointing to be sent back home after he went through the trouble of collecting this stuff for the younger male.

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silentsonata
2008-11-17 09:27 pm UTC (link)

Dietre tilted his head to the side, a gesture that was almost a trademark, that sort of innocent, quizzical look he had when he didn't get something. Strangely, the dog did the exact same thing, wearing the exact same expression, only on a canine face. Maybe it wasn't so odd, the dog was just a projection of Dietre's mind, right?

"Oh..?" D's response to Robin's explanation, said with a lilt in his voice that hinted at his amusement. Unfortunately, that shimmer of light was snuffed rather quickly, and the boy looked away, brow furrowed, seemingly hesitant about letting Robin in.

"Uhm..." He had to invite him in, look at all the trouble he had gone to!

"Y-yes. Yes, of course." He stepped aside, forcing himself through his reluctance. It wasn't that he didn't want Robin's company, he was starved for it, it was just...he was embarrassed, though that didn't seem to be the right word. He was self conscious about his apartment, he didn't want Robin to see it, and it was easy to see why. There was nothing in it. Almost nothing at all. If it wasn't for the monstrous piano sitting in the living room, one would think the place was vacant. There was no couch, no television, no chairs (save for two in the kitchen to go with the table), none of the various things people collect in their lives. There were no posters of favorite movies, no photographs of friends or family, no clothes strewn about, no signs of a personality.

No wonder he was so depressed!

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electricrobin
2008-11-17 09:49 pm UTC (link)

Robin beamed and stepped inside, more focused on Dietre then the lack of well -- anything -- in the apartment. It wasn't anything to be ashamed of though. Striking out on your own, new minimum wage job. He was no stranger to box and crate furniture. The bits of personality would show up eventually, right? Besides, the piano was a huge touch of personality, and expensive, no doubt. Even more explanation; who could afford furniture after buying something like that? Maybe he'd try and take D out garage sale shopping sometime. A five dollar sofa was better then no sofa at all.

"Bed room? The mission is getting you to sleep. Starting there would probably be best." He pointed out.

"I've got warm milk, and some cookies to go with it if you like." Robin lifted his left hand slightly to indicate the thermos. "Then my mum used to put a hot water bottle on my stomach or under my back to help me sleep when I was a kid." Hence the blue hot water bottle sloshing about in the crook of his right arm.

"Then I've got some medicine if neither of those work." The right hand. "Or to help them work, if you want to try that first, I suppose." Wait -- something had been bothering him first. Gah. Stupid.

"Oh, but um -- if you wanted to talk. I mean, I'm hear if you need someone to listen. Cheaper then some doctor too." A bit of pink touched his cheeks, feeling kind of ridiculous now. He definitely sounded like a nut, didn't he? Only good intentions, honestly!

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silentsonata
2008-11-18 07:07 am UTC (link)

Dietre doubted he could sleep with a distraction as good as Robin around, but what did it matter? Robin being there kept his mind off the darkest of his thoughts, and that was what he really wanted anyway.

His neighbor wasn't the only one going pink. Dietre couldn't believe anyone would go so out of their way for him.

"You really didn't have to..I mean...I just...This is very sweet of you.." Was it alright to call another man sweet? Dietre's color deepened. He didn't think that was the right thing to say, but it was the truth, wasn't it?

In an effort to distract Robin from what he had said, he turned and lead the way to his bedroom. It was as equally bare as the rest of the apartment, just a bed (a rather large and expensive looking thing, done in deep, dark blue and pale shades of gray, it seemed a little out of place in an empty apartment), a dresser, and a bedside table with a lamp.

He sat on the bed, for it was the only place to sit, biting at his lip, nervous and awkward.

"Well..I'll try all of those things. That way I'll definitely sleep, right?" He wasn't sure what order he was going to do everything, or if he was going to actually talk, but he didn't want Robin's effort to be in vain.

"..Thank you for doing this, really.."

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electricrobin
2008-11-19 08:43 pm UTC (link)

"I try." He might have laughed at the two of them any other time. They must've looked silly blushing like this, him with his awkward bundle, in the empty little house. It took a minute to even occur to him that maybe suggesting the bedroom so quick was a little -- well, suggestive. Whatever. He was just here to help the kid sleep.

"Sounds good." He set the stuff down on the nightstand, and sat down beside Dietre. "Hey, no problem. I told you, I'm just next door if you ever need anything." It was kind of weird for him living alone, having no family or anything to take care of, and if anyone needed looking out for it was D.

"Right. So I vote for Nyquil first. Give it time to kick in while we talk. Milk and cookies after 'cause the medicine is pretty gross." Robin poured out the little tablespoon cup of sleep medicine, offering it to the other male. Afterward he opened the aluminum foil he'd wrapped the cookies in and the thermos.

"Heated them up in the oven so they'd be warm and gooey." He grinned, taking a bite of one of the chocolate chip sweets. "So what's been bothering you?"

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[They are so cute xB ]

silentsonata
2008-11-19 09:05 pm UTC (link)

Upon further inspection, there were little bits of life in the bedroom, you just had to look a little. There was a small pile of library books stacked neatly against the wall beside the bed, beside them a laptop, and on the beside table, a slim folder full of sheet music. Dietre stored most of his music in his head, so he had no qualms about setting Robin's goodies on top of the folder.

Robin's game plan sounded fine enough to D. The boy peered thoughtfully at the tiny cup, it seemed awfully small.

"..Do you think I should take more than the recommended dosage?" Did people get drunk off Nyquil? He thought so. Not that he wanted to get drunk! He was just trying to help Robin help him by making suggestions. The medicine was taken with minimal displeasure, it really wasn't all that bad. Though those cookies now seemed rather tempting.

"...Well..." How could he really talk about everything when Robin was kind of a part of it. Since his sexuality and how he might feel about certain people was out of the question for discussion, he was left with the heart of his problems.

"Some nights, I could sleep, if I let myself...but..uhm...I have nightmares." Dietre was suddenly glad that Robin was sitting beside him, rather than in front of him. It was easier to talk to his empty cup of Nyquil than it was to look his neighbor in the face.

"The power thing too, I guess."

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[Totally <3 ]

electricrobin
2008-11-19 09:22 pm UTC (link)

"Nah. This should be good. We've got the other stuff too." He didn't want to give Dietre too much and make him worse. Plus, he wouldn't want to have to swallow that nasty medicine twice. Who would?

"I heard if you think about your nightmares before you go to sleep, and imagine them with a better ending...It could help. Or you know, I could just stay 'till you get asleep. Sometimes it helps to have something close. Oh! do you have a stuffed animal?" A security blanket or teddy bear was a little immature, but there was nothing wrong with having one. Robin would admit, he did have a stuffed pig on one of his shelves, and a blanket his mother patched for him when he was a kid. They were pieces of home and his family.

"The power thing isn't all that bad, is it? You get a low maintenance dog." Sure the 'dog' was a little strange, but it wasn't too bad. "At least you don't accidentally blow out all your lights, like me."

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[Poo on me for short posts :P oh well ]

silentsonata
2008-11-19 09:34 pm UTC (link)

If he was going to enjoy warm milk and cookies, he was going to have to get to it while they were still actually warm. Eating was a good excuse not to talk, but even Dietre knew that this was a conversation he couldn't avoid forever. He had tried, tried for years to forget, but he couldn't. It was in his nightmares, with him all the time, part of who he was. The sweetness of the chocolate wasn't enough to mask the dry, sour taste in his mouth just thinking about it.

He had one last moment of lightness before he threw himself into the painful impending subject. Stuff animals? Really? Dietre gave Robin a dead pan look, as if the man should have known better than to ask such a question.

A sigh.

"...There is no happy ending for my nightmares. If there were, then waking up would become the nightmare." There was just no escaping it.

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[s'okay. mine isn't long either]

electricrobin
2008-11-20 07:17 pm UTC (link)

Robin didn't know any other cure, medical and grandma's advice fell short. What does anyone do to comfort someone else who'd had a nightmare though? Robin let and arm slide around Dietre's shoulders and pull him into a small hug.

"I'm sorry." He offered, unsure what else to say. "Is it something you could tell me about?" It could be private, and Robin wasn't going to make the other explain the dream to him, but if it would help he wanted to give Dietre the option.

"Or we could talk about something else until you fall asleep if you want."

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[AAAAANGST]

silentsonata
2008-11-20 07:39 pm UTC (link)

That one small hug caused a quick burst of inner turmoil. Dietre was uncomfortable with the alien feeling of physical contact, but it was Robin, and he was lonely, starved for this kind of attention and kindness. If there was anyone who was in dire need of a hug, it was D. Unfortunately, this much desired closeness wreaked havoc on his defenses. Dietre always strived for emotionless-ness because he was easily overcome, and he had had so little control of anything in his life, that to allow further helplessness was just...not good for him.

Dietre brought a hand up, pressing fingers between his eyes as if he had a headache.

"No...I'll talk about it, I should..I should talk about it." Maybe that was his problem, not ever having some one to speak to. There had been no one to listen. He had only told the story once, to a policeman, and that had been months after the incident. It had taken a very long time to get him to say anything at all back then.

There was the heaviest of silences.

"..When I was ten years old, my mother was murdered." There. It was out.

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[<33]

electricrobin
2008-11-20 08:25 pm UTC (link)

...

Wow.
He really hadn't expected that.

For another long moment he was silent as well, wrapping both arms around the smaller male. His mother had died when he was young, but cancer and murder wasn't even close. For a ten year old to have to deal with that though, and from what he'd picked up -- not a good relationship with the father to fall back on.

"I'm so sorry." It didn't - couldn't help. Sorry wouldn't bring his mother back. What else do you say though? "Did they catch who did it?" That would be at least some comfort wouldn't it? Knowing that the bastard was rotting in jail.

"What happens in your nightmares? It is just memories?"

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silentsonata
2008-11-20 08:48 pm UTC (link)

Robin's arms around him, a feeling of warmth and security that his life had been severely lacking. Is that why he was able to talk now? All he knew, was that he wouldn't be able to continue if the other man didn't have a hold on him. He'd sink. He'd drown.

He nodded in response, leaning heavily against Robin now. The men were caught, but...there was a lot he didn't remember in the year after the murder. Only blurred bits and pieces, simple fragments. Nothing had seemed real, nothing touched him, he had been cut off and away. It was shock, of course. He had been completely traumatized. The night it happened was another story. Every second stood out in stark, cruel detail. More real than anything else.

"..I saw it." His voice was almost nothing, barely audible in the quiet room, even with Robin so close.

"There was nothing I could do." And that was when he crumbled. His expression breaking before he covered his face with his hands, bowing in his grief and frustration.

"And I see it, I keep seeing it...And I'm so tired..!" It was this exhaustion, this physical and mental exhaustion, that was allowing this scene to happen. It was a dam bursting. It was easy to guess that Dietre hadn't been able to express his feelings before, keeping everything bottled inside. Had he ever been able to properly mourn his mother's death? No, no...but perhaps this was as close as he would get. Better than nothing, was it not?

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[bah. short again]

electricrobin
2008-11-22 09:32 pm UTC (link)

Robin toed his shoes off and leaned back on the bed, laying against the head rest. His arms still around Dietre, pulling him close against his side. The brunette wasn't going anywhere tonight, it seemed. Maybe not what he'd planned, but if it helped he was happy to stay.

"It wasn't your fault, you were so young, there was nothing you could do." He said softly, fingers finding their way through the smaller male's hair gently. It was strange to think that D had survived something so awful. That kind of thing was what you expected to hear in a movie, not from your neighbor.

"Sleep. I'll stay with you." Maybe having someone next to him would help keep the nightmares at bay, and if not...He would be here when Dietre woke up to comfort him. That was probably all he could offer.

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[Is the only friggin' pronoun in german "it"? wtf babelfish]

silentsonata
2008-11-23 09:01 am UTC (link)

He gave in to the comfort, allowing himself to be pulled closer, his own arms working their way around Robin's waist. There was no point in trying to maintain dignity, he was already beginning to cry, so why not go ahead and cling like he wanted to? And he didn't want to be alone, he couldn't bear the thought of Robin getting up to go back home, for them to be separated by the wall between their apartments.

Nothing he could do? His eyes squeezed shut.

"Ich könnte mit ihr gestorben sein..." Or in her place. Wouldn't that have been better? What was the point of him being alive? He was useless, a disappointment, and at the rate his life seemed to be going, futureless. Perhaps if he had died, if father would have felt free to have another son, the son he wanted, the one Dietre never could be.

The boy buried his face against Robin's shoulder and sighed. He did not sob as he wept, and if it wasn't for the dampness of his tears, the other man may not have known he was crying at all.

Robin was staying?

"..Thank you, thank you, thank you.." His gratitude whispered in a thick voice. The Nyquil, being held, crying himself into deeper exhaustion...it wasn't long before he slipped into a doze, and soon after, heavy sleep.

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[ babelfish doesn't know its pronouns xD I think Ihr is supposed to be 'you']

electricrobin
2008-11-23 11:53 am UTC (link)

Robin shifted, letting the other wrap his arms around him. It might have been strange, becoming so close to someone so quickly. They'd hung out twice before, and already he was laying in bed comforting the boy. He really liked Dietre though.

He didn't understand german, but Robin was pretty sure he knew what D was thinking. He didn't say anything about it though, just let the younger curl up and cry himself to sleep. Who knows? Sometimes a good cry was just what you needed. Especially if you'd held it in as long as Dietre had.

"You're welcome." Reaching down briefly, he tugged the blankets up over them, and kissed the top of Dietre's head. He stayed up long enough to be sure that the other had fallen asleep, then eventually followed suit.

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