Slashing Stargate Atlantis
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Agent Fox Mulder [userpic]
Fic: Well, Shit 1/1 Lorne/Ronon

Title: Well, Shit.
Author: Lopaka Tanu
Disclaimer: I do not own StarGate: Atlantis.
Characters: Lorne, Ronon, Parrish, Sheppard, Rodney, Teyla, and Weir.
Words: 5613
Prompt: Lorne is captured by Ronon, Ronon won't let go.
Fandom: StarGate: Atlantis
Pairing: pre-Ronon/Lorne
Rating: Adult
Warnings: Language
Summary: Captured by a caveman, Lorne is realistic about his situation.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Runner.

It could have been worse.

That was how everything always began in the movies. Everyone would be around a fire, or walking in the jungle. They would be complaining about the current situation. Then that one asshole would say that little catch phrase of doom.

Lorne was a practical kinda guy. He knew that was just a plot cliche. Life really didn't wait, listening for some putz to say it before tossing you in the shit. If you were going to be fighting for your life, it just happened. That's just the way it was.

Especially living in the Pegasus Galaxy.

Every day, if it wasn't one thing trying to eat you, it was something else trying to hump your archaeologist. In fact, that was one of the first lessons Retired General O'Neill taught perspective recruits. Lorne thought he had lucked out, his resident geek was a rather unattractive botanist.

How was he to know being the pretty one on the team would get him trouble? He wasn't a friggen brain, the creatures should just have been trying to kill him. Nope, he never got the get down to it, trying to kill you types. That was why he had shipped out from the damned SGC!

So, walking in a jungle on a planet with deadly sunlight should have been a piece of cake. He liked cake, cake was good. Especially with the right frosting. Unfortunately, someone had taken a shit on his cake, making sure to smear it in the frosting.


"Why me?" It was Parrish that said it, but really, that could have been any of them.

Gun pointing at the dead Wraith, Lorne felt kinda foolish. After all, the thing was dead. Really, really dead. Things didn't get any more dead than when you cut out their heart. He was admiring the precision when he realized just what the hell he was doing.

Eyes going a little wide, he scanned the area around them. Trees, shrubs, trees, some grass, and more trees. Pretty much what it had been before his talkative geek with the hardon for plants stumbled upon the Wraith.

So why was his heart doing the mambo in his throat?

Swallowing, Lorne took a shuddering breath. Time to get down to business. Reaching up, he clicked his radio. "This is Major Lorne. Get Atlantis on the horn, I think we gotta problem."

"Never just an ordinary, routine mission. Why can't we ever go some where and just explore?" Kicking a rock towards the body, Parrish looked nothing so much as a sullen child about to start brood.

To Lorne, it wasn't completely unflattering. In fact, he would say it was quite an improvement to your average geek. At least he wasn't bitching ninety-miles per hour. Oh, that was one guy he was certainly glad he wasn't senior enough to get stuck with.

Looking up from his rock kicking, Parrish focused on Lorne. "What's taking them so long? Shouldn't they have, I don't know, confirmed your order? I think that's right."

Raising his eyebrows, Lorne tilted his head to the side in acknowledgement. When the geek was right, he was right. He reached up to click the radio again, and that was the last thing he remembered.


When eventually he came to his senses, Lorne realized something vitally important. He was tied up to a stalactite by a rope around his ankle. Also, his wrists were bound. His clothes, yeah, gone. Weapons too.

Best thing ever: the sun was up!

So, he was trapped, naked, in a cave on an alien world where the sunlight was toxic. Someone really didn't want him getting away. Well, he wasn't really naked, he had on his boxer briefs.

The guys had always touted the way they were so much more comfortable. The one pair he bought, ordered through the mail, took a month to arrive by Daedalus. Since he was going to be on a long mission, he decided this would be the time to try them out. Brought a spare set of his briefs in his bag just in case.

Turns out, they had been right, well, at the time. Right now, he wasn't really feeling it.

One thing he was feeling, a slight chill despite being on microwave planet. May be it was the cave, may be it was psychological, or may be it was the fact he was naked. Fact was, he was slightly cold.

To distract himself from this, he decided to check out his surroundings. There wasn't much to see. He was in a cave, it had stalagmites and stalactites. There was dirt, a pool of water towards the back he could probably reach given the amount of slack in his bonds.

Towards the front of the cave, where the light was coming from, there was something different. Just at the entrance, a small camp had been set up. There was a cook pit, some dried meats, a few bundled vegetables...and his clothes.

The weapons were gone.

"So, there they are." At least they weren't completely out of reach. They were just out of reach for now. Okay, so he now knew his situation.

Time to start looking for a way out. All the really useful rocks were gone. A few of the stalags were gone as well, so that probably meant they had been sharp. Oh, he was boned!

With nothing else better to do, he sat back on a cold rock to wait for whoever had taken him to show up. Sure, it was cold, and it would probably cause his ass to pucker tighter than a dick's hat band. But, it was better than sitting on the dirty floor.

These were his new underwear, he wasn't about to get them dirty.


It was some where around the number fifty-three thousand, eight hundred, ninety-eight that he sensed another presence. Suddenly on high alert, he watched the entrance to the cave. Since there was no other holes he had been able to find, that had to be the location of the intruder.

He wasn't disappointed.

A few pebbles came flying in from different directions, landing on the dirt to keep as silent as possible. The was followed by the appearance of a foot. Well, a boot, his possibly from the design. When this drew no attention, a massive figure took up most of the entrance.

Lorne had to admit, he was actually impressed. This guy easily outweighed and classed him by a margin of no less than four percent. A threat level of seven on a chart of ten, definitely. It might have been higher if he didn't look like he escaped from a new age compound.

As it was, "whoa."

This seemed to please the filthy giant. Smirking, he finally moved from the entrance. He sniffed the air as he knelt down next to the bundle of hanging meat. Now that he was busy, he seemed to have lost interest in Lorne.

That was okay. If he got careless, and close enough, Lorne would simply show him why kidnapping a Major in the United States Air Force was a bad idea. Until then, he would watch.

The man seemed to be in no hurry. Fingering the meat, he reached up in to his hair and pulled out a blade. He twirled it a couple times between his fingers before he quickly sliced off a piece. After sniffing the piece of meat, he made a noise that sounded like approval. Standing up, he wiped the blade off on his leather pants, then stuck it back in his hair.

There was either a sheath in his hair, or those were very nappy dreads. Not that it mattered, if Lorne could get his hands on the giant, he knew where to go for a weapon. He started prepping his muscles, noticing that the man was moving towards him.

The man looked even bigger up close. He had to hunker down as he moved in. Stopping just out of reach of Lorne, he held out the piece of meat. "It's fresh. Best to eat now, we move this evening."

Reluctantly, Lorne held out his hands for the meat, palms open. The cool piece was surprisingly free of congealed fat. It felt almost like jerky. Bringing it to his nose, he gave the meat an experimental sniff. A little gamey, but nothing he would turn down under better circumstances.

This seemed to amuse the giant as well. Snorting, he backed towards the entrance.

Not so dumb after all.

So that was going to be a problem. Okay, so Lorne hadn't ever been captured before, held hostage, yes, but never captured. This giant didn't seem the type to eat him, so that ended any similarities with the Unas. The smell wasn't entirely unpleasant, sorta earthy, like the bottom of a track shoe after a run in the forest.

Eating the piece of meat turned out to be almost as bad as jerky. Pieces immediately got stuck between his teeth. He would be picking them out for days if he didn't get some floss soon. Still, he ate every bite.

When he finished, he looked to the giant for further instruction.

The man snatched a round fruit off the bundle next to the meat. He tossed it to Lorne. "It's acidic."

He didn't have a problem with citrus fruit, so he took an experimental bite. It was more tart, like a sour persimmon. The juice even numbed his mouth like the damned sour fruit. He finished it quickly, then hobbled over to the water hole.

Rinsing out his mouth, he spit the excess in the general direction of the entrance of the cave. He took a couple more drinks of water. Done, he hobbled back over to his rock to sit down.

The giant had watched all this with smug amusement. When Lorne sat down, he uncrossed his arms. "Are you through?"

"Yes." To emphasize this, Lorne shook his hands dry.

"Good." Then the giant pulled what appeared to be a weapon. It hummed as it powered up, then a blast of red energy when he fired.

Lorne had exactly enough time to curse the damned giant before he was knocked out again.


Life seemed to intensely loath him lately. Certainly, he could make a case for it in any court. Not that life would give him the chance. It was a bitch like that.

The unfamiliar sensation of fingers running along his neck cause him to think the big dumb guy was in for a little action. Well, he was certainly going to make him pay for it first. Lorne tried to raise his hands, but instead of gripping whoever it was, he found only thin air.

There came harsh whispers, bordering on growling.

Feeling his chance blown, Lorne opened his eyes to asses the situation. For half a second he wished he hadn't.

Across the cave in a similarly restrained state, Teyla was arguing with the jolly mean giant. Most of the hissing sounds were coming from him.

So much for a rescue.

His sigh must have been more than just a little sound because the giant was suddenly over him. Staring up at the big guy, Lorne waved his fingers. "Hi there."

"Time to go." He barely had to bend over for his long arms to reach Lorne. Hauling the bound man to his feet, he towered over the Major.

Noticing their obvious differences seemed to amuse the giant, so Lorne shifted his gaze back to Teyla. That was stopped by a massive paw gripping his face. He was forced to look back at the giant.

"No." With that, he bodily forced Lorne to face the entrance. Most of the supplies that had been hung about were now in two leather sacks. "We're going."

"So it seems." He had to say something, he couldn't just leave. Well, he could, but he had been silent long enough. Perhaps if he had spoken sooner, the giant would have left him behind. Too late for that now.

He was shoved towards the bags, a pair of leather pants and a vest were laid out over them. Both looked freshly tailored and remarkably similar in design to the giant's clothing. Lorne had a feeling this guy was serious about all this. He tried to put his feet down, but the giant merely shoved him harder.

With a growl, he flipped Lorne over on to his back. Snatching up the pants, he grabbed Lorne by one leg and started to push his foot in to them. Before Lorne could decided to fight him on it, both his feet were secured in the pants. The not so gentle giant jerked him up by his bound hands so he could pull the pants up around his waist.

Despite all the wrangling about, this was not the worst time he was forced in to clothing. That honor was bestowed upon his mother, bless her heart.

His eyes went wide as the giant's hands went for the front of his pants. He tried to back away, but the man was quicker. The front buttons were done up quickly. A belt tied about his waist prevented the pants from falling.

Almost expectantly, he glanced over at the vest. The giant would have to untie him to get it on. Lorne raised his hands in anticipation.

Looking down at Lorne's chest, the giant snorted. He seemed to do that a lot. He shook his head, instead. Grabbing the vest and the bag it covered, he shoved the leather inside it. He stuffed the bag in Lorne's bound arms. "You'll carry this."

"Uh, sorry. You're not going anywhere."

Never in all his life would Lorne ever admit it, but he was actually kinda happy to hear Dr. McKay's shaky voice for once. Shifting, he released the bag so it would fall to the ground. If McKay was nearby, then the rest of his team was too. Then again, Teyla was already in the cave.

"Major, what's your condition?" Sheppard, he came!

This time, Lorne let himself smile. "I'm fine, sir. Teyla is in the cave, bound."

The giant gave him a look that would have killed someone else. "Not that I care, but how did you find me, Sheppard?"


Sheppard's voice had that annoyingly smug quality. Ordinarily, it would have pissed off Lorne so very much. But, right now, he could kiss the asshole.

"I told you not to take her, that you were free to go. Well, you didn't listen, obviously." Now the colonel was doing that irritating little singsong. "Now, I'm afraid we can't just forget we ever met like we promised."

Forget they ever met? They were going to let him go? Wait a minute!

Lorne turned to glare in the general direction of Sheppard's voice. "Did I hear that correctly? You were going to let him take me with him?"

"Hey, we didn't know it was him that snatched you up." Oh, he was going to get all defensive now.

Like hell!

"No! You were. You were going to let him take me." That was just so typical. Had he been a damsel, no, even a geek, Sheppard would have been all over it. "Tell me, sir, were you even looking for me?"

"We were." Sheppard's response was negated by Rodney's derisive snort. "We were, eventually."

"What he is trying to say is that he thought that you got lost, just like the rest of your team. Real bright bunch of people you got there, Major." And that there just sealed Dr. McKay's fate.

Now, Lorne thought himself a kind, patient man. He was willing to forgive almost any slight so long as you were contrite. But this, this was just pure arrogance.

Having been watching their interaction the whole time, the giant seemed to find this all very amusing. To let Lorne know he was still captive, he tugged on his bonds.

"Do not start with me." The words were fairly hissed at his captor. The man was beginning to seriously piss him off. "Sheppard, any time!"

"Well, I dunno..."

"Oh, for god's sake!" A shot came from Rodney's direction, wild and totally off course. But the man made his point. "The next one's put in your big, hulking ass!"

Holding up his hands, Lorne smirked at the giant. "Let me go."

The giant looked about to snarl at him. He even bared his teeth. When Lorne laughed at him, the giant lashed out faster than Lorne could see.

Lorne didn't know which fell faster, the bonds from his wrists or the smirk from his face. It might have been a tie with the contents of his bladder.


Stepping back through the gate for the first time without underwear was a new experience. While he had been forced to change out of them along side the leather pants the giant had forced him to wear, his spare pair were no where to be seen. Probably because they had been back in the puddle jumper along with his supplies. The puddle jumper Sheppard had sent back.

Thankfully, the giant had saved his uniform. Or, most of it.

Walking in to the gateroom in only a pair of tight cut offs, combat boots, and a leather vest was definitely not an experience he would want to repeat. The cat calls and whistles from the techs certainly didn't help matters any. Add to that the fact the giant was still hovering nearby, and he was all around upset.

"Major Lorne, I'm...glad to see that you are unhurt." Dr. Weir, who had been coming down the steps from the control room, stopped to take in the full effect of his gogo boy outfit. She colored around the edges and had to clear her throat. "Well."

"May I be dismissed, ma'am?" Lorne couldn't bring himself to look at her. This was just all sorts of embarrassing and the whistles were still echoing.

"Yes, Major, please." She shooed him away, still casting him glances.

She wasn't the only one. Lorne could feel every pair of eyes on his ass. If he had to beat up that little Canuck at the gate controls, he would get the video camera footage erased.

His swift exit was hampered by having to stop every five steps to pull the shorts from his ass. The second time this happened before he reached the doors, he heard a very loud whistle that he knew as from Colonel Sheppard.

Sheppard's whistle was cut off by a pissed off sounding growl.

Did he mention how much he hated these people? Because, really, he did. So very much.


There was nothing quite like a hot shower after a grimy mission. Until the water had hit him, Lorne hadn't realized how filthy he really was. Funny the things you forget to notice.

Usually, his showers lasted any where from five minutes, to ten. Eleven tops on a particularly brutal day. Today, he was planning on seeing how much hot water the damned city could produce before it ran out.

He hadn't much hair to speak of, but after three washes, it still didn't feel clean. Whatever he had gotten in it was really stuck in there. Probably sap from one of those damned plants Parrish had been practically salivating over. Thinking of Parrish reminded him that his team was some where on the base.

That was a situation he had to get out of the way very quickly. He couldn't have them acting like that, it was not only a disgrace for the SGA, it would get them killed in a combat situation.

Had they really gotten lost?

Jesus Christ.

He really had his work cut out for him in the coming weeks. Oh yeah, it was going to be weeks before he cleared them for field duty again. Getting lost, on a planet where they were practically tethered to the damned gate, it was inexcusable!

How in the hell did it happen? It was practically an impossibility with the kinda training they had to go through before they were given clearance to go through the gate. He was going to have to take them to survival training on the mainland, there was just no other option.

They were going to stay for a week. He hoped they were living up the high life, because they weren't taking anything but the basics. Strong hands slid up his back, massaging along his spine. It was going to be an old fashioned wilderness survival training mission.

Now, he only had to get the right gear. He raised his left arm, scrubbing at his pit. Sharp teeth nipped at the skin along his shoulder, forcing him to lower his arm. He was debating whether to take a cook stove or not when the hands on his spine slid to his hips.

If he took the stove, they wouldn't be given the full experience and satisfaction of building their own fires. Yet, if he didn't, there was a chance they would get sick from not properly cooking their food and water. A finger slid down between his cheeks. Because proper preparation was important.

Arching his back, Lorne reached back to cup the back of... Dread locks?

He didn't shriek. Major Evan Lorne did not shriek. He gave a manly cry and threw himself away from the man behind him. Spinning, he slammed his back against the wall. "Giant!"

Smirking at Lorne, the very naked giant caught at the water and began to rub it over himself. Now slicked from head to toe, he took a step towards Lorne. "Actually, my name is Ronon."

"I don't give a damn! You, get out of my shower, right now!" He could feel his heart threatening to break free of his chest. The air didn't seem to care for his lungs either. Raising one shaky hand, Lorne pointed towards the sliding glass door. "Get out."

"You're alluring when you're put out." Taking another step, Ronon crossed the last of the short distance between them. Towering over Lorne, he used his body to pin him against the shower wall. He was very excited by this.

Raising his face, Lorne forced his body to stop the quaking. "I only give one warning."


Laid out on the gurney across the medbay, Ronon's ruddy complexion matched the curses and epitaphs he was flinging at everyone near him. His hands were clenched between his legs, and anyone who tried to pry them out was tossed back like they were made of paper.

On his own gurney, a defiant and self satisfied Lorne watched the giant with amusement. "Serve's you right, you asshole!"

"I'll kill you for this!" Ronon grabbed the nearest thing, a medical scanner in the hands of a nurse, and threw it at Lorne. "You'll be scream-ing!" His voice broke and rose on the last syllable. Having stretched a groin muscle when he threw the tablet, Ronon was now cupping his groin again.

"Breath deeply. Take a deep breath, and hold. The pain will eventually subside." At his side, Carson was too busy to think about if the situation was funny or not. The nurses and orderlies didn't seem to have that problem, though.

"What's that? I couldn't hear that last part since it was only audible to dogs!" He tried lunging off the gurney, to physically taunt the alien, but a large orderly slammed him back against the pillows. This and his words only seemed to add fuel to the fire for the cackling staff.

"All right, what is going on here?" The doors had barely cleared her path before Weir stormed in to the infirmary. Flanking her, Sheppard and Teyla looked ready to break up a fight. Finding two very naked men being restrained by orderlies was not what they had expected to find.

Composing herself, Weir turned to Lorne first since it seemed he was more likely to give her a straight answer. Tugging her jacket closed, she avoiding looking at his exposed genitals. Just barely. "Major!" She snapped twice to get his attention.

Lorne tried to break free of the orderly again, only to have Elizabeth get in his face. He almost threw her out of his way, then he realized who it was. "Ma'am?"

"What the hell is going on?" When it looked like he was about to be distracted again, she reached out to touch his arm. "Major Lorne."

The next instant found people flying across the room. Bedpans and medical equipment flew from a cart that a particularly large nurse impacted against.

Weir only had time to face the threat before it was upon her.

Standing there proud, chest heaving and eyes set in rage, Ronon pushed her aside. "You will not touch what is mine!"

Thankfully Sheppard was perfectly placed to catch Weir before she went flying completely. Unfortunately for him, no one was there to catch him. So as they collapsed to the floor, he landed ass first with a lap full of Dr. Weir.

The orderly that had been restraining Lorne found himself bouncing off the stone wall ten feet away.

Ronon grabbed Lorne by the throat, slamming him back on the gurney. Prey pinned, threat eliminated, he now had everything under control. He leaned in, scenting the man in his grip.

Lorne started to reach up, intending to fight back, but the giant growled against his throat. With an extreme effort, he willed his body to relax. The scenting continued while he saw the infirmary staff getting to their feet.

They would have reacted, but Teyla held up a hand, shaking her head.

This almost started Lorne's fit again. What the hell did they think they were doing? This lunatic was...licking up the side of his neck. Closing his eyes, he gave a half sob. Licking aliens never lead to anything good. He'd read the mission reports.

"It's okay, Major, everything will be fine now." Teyla's voice was soothing, more to disarm him than the kinky giant. "Ronon. You must let the Major go."

Growling, the giant snuffed against Lorne's neck once more. Then, he stood off him. He backed away, almost as if he was unaware he was naked and had been about to hump another naked man. He rubbed at his nose and licked his lips.

Then, much to Lorne's shock, he adjusted himself. Long and with plenty of emphasis.

Grimacing, Lorne shook his head. "Oh, geeze. Come on!"

Ronon snorted. Turning, he strutted back over to his gurney.

Teyla waited until the giant had settled himself back before approaching Lorne. She made special effort to never put herself between the two or to touch the Major. Giving him a reassuring smile, her fingers twitched with the need to comfort him. "You must forgive him, Major, he is not completely in control of himself just yet."

"No shi..." Lorne trailed off at a look from Teyla.

"Major." Teyla sounded more tired than anything else. "Ronon is a runner, or, he used to be. They are people hunted by the Wraith for sport. While I have never met one before, I have no doubt that this kind of animalistic reaction is common. Driven on, they will not have human contact at the risk of drawing down the Wraith upon those they meet."

She shifted so she could see Ronon. Giving him a tight smile, she took a short breath. "It will take time and all our help to get him used to normal human contact once more. That means, we must have infinite patience." She looked to Sheppard. "All of us."

"What?" Trying to look innocent, Sheppard used helping Dr. Weir to her feet to distract himself.

"All right, people. You've heard the lady. Now, let's get this place cleaned up." Taking charge once more, Weir kept an eye on Ronon. Once bitten, twice shy was more than just a song with that loony tune.

Glaring at Teyla, then Ronon, Lorne couldn't believe it. He rolled his eyes skyward with a snort. Fat lotta good preaching about peace and tolerance would get him. If they listened to Sister Mary Sunshine over there, they would all be holding hands with the Wraith and singing 'Kum Ba Ya'.

This was not going to end well for him, he knew it. Just watch.


Once freed from the infirmary, Lorne made a beeline for his quarters. It took all of five minutes to pack a bag. He was taking a cook stove, but he wouldn't use it! Clicking his comms, he stormed out the door, bag over his shoulder. "This is Major Lorne to the supply sargent."

"Go ahead, Major."

"I want four field packs, fully stocked, waiting in Jumper Bay in five minutes." He didn't wait for the confirmation. They knew how to do their jobs and would see to it. Probably the only competent bunch in the entire damned city.

Marching through the corridor, he called up the next group. "Major Lorne to the rest of my team." He waited patiently for the comms' computer to link him. "Meet me in jumper bay in five minutes. Pack for a week, we're going camping!"

To keep them from calling him back, he jerked the ear piece off and turned it off. If they didn't show up on time, he would hunt them down and make them sorry for making him do it. It was a vicious cycle, there would be no end.

Making his way to the transport, elevator, travelatory or whatever they called the damned shifting closet, he paused. There was something, he couldn't quite place if it had been a sound or a smell. Either way, it was off. His heart sped up as he recognized it.

The god damned giant.

Oh, he was not going through this again. Picking up his pace, he all but ran to the transporter closet. The sight of what was waiting for him there almost had his feet going out from under him as he slid to a stop. Eyes wide, he reached for a weapon that wasn't there.

Leaning back against the control panel, Ronon stood there in his leather outfit, smirking at the Major. He waved a hand, causing the door to open. With a raised eyebrow, he gestured for Lorne to enter.

Not believing him for a second, Lorne shook his head. "I don't have time for this."

Shrugging, Ronon pushed off from the console and entered the transporter closet. "Where do you have to be?"

"I've got a team training exercise, if you must know." Checking his watch, Lorne saw that if he didn't leave now, he would be late. It was bad enough that they were already lacking direction. But if he set a bad precedence, they would never get better.

Deciding to bare it, he stepped on the closet. To minimize interaction, he kept to the far side. When the control panel opened, he hit the jumper bay.

"I can help."

The giant's voice was so close, Lorne nearly jumped out of his skin. Only long years of practice and drill sargents who could raise the dead kept him from responding. "That will not be necessary."

Putting out an arm, Ronon blocked Lorne from getting to the lift's doors. Leaning down, his breath flowed over the Major's collar as he exhaled. "I want us to get to know each other."

The doors opened.

"Get neutered!" Lorne took the advantage, ducking under the extended arm. Feeling a little satisfaction, he raced down the corridor. There were other people about the jumper bay, but none that he wanted to be. Where the hell was his team?


Spinning, he found the supply sargent with his pack at the ass of a jumper. Inside, waiting for him, the rest of his team. Relief and pride washed through him. It was a minor accomplishment, but they had made it!

Marching up to the ramp, he saluted the sargent. "Thank you, I will handle it from here."

"Sir." Snapping the salute, the man started to walk down the ramp. Halfway down, he had to stop and move aside before he could continue.

Noticing the man's actions from the corner of his eye, Lorne felt like a stone had sunk inside the pit of his stomach. Patience, Sister Mary...Teyla had stated patience. Instead of snapping at the intruder, and possibly lose face in front of his team, Lorne continued on. To his amusement, judging from the faces of his team, he wasn't the only one intimidated by the giant.

He sat down at the main controls, powering them up by his mere touch. "I'm glad you three could make it. Yesterday's mission was a disgrace, and proved just how woefully inadequate we still are." He checked the guidance systems, confirming launch authorization with the control room.

As the puddle jumper rose from the bay, a throat cleared behind him.

"Yes, Dr. Parrish?" He didn't have to turn around to hear the man swallow.

"Yes. Uh, why is the...Why is he here?" Nodding towards Ronon, the botanist swallowed again.

Lorne glanced over to the co-pilot's chair. The giant had made himself quite at home, practically lounging in the chair with his legs spread. "He's here to help." At that, the giant smirked at him.

He looked at it this way, if the giant continued to be a problem, there were plenty of places to hide the body.

Activating the controls, Lorne directed the puddle jumper towards the mainland. Try as he might, he couldn't prevent the occasional glance. Shuddering, he forced his eyes to remain on the controls.

The next week was going to be hell.

THE END.......................................