Porn and Cupcakes

For the days when everybody around her seems to have forgotten she's a girl underneath the overalls and the automail grease -- right along with how they've forgotten that automail isn't meant to be used as a sledgehammer, a battering ram, a train emergency brake system, or any of the other dozens of gear-shearing bad ideas that have been thoroughly tested out by assorted stubborn blonde idiots over the years...

Winry's Thirty Second Busted Up Automail Gunk Cleaner Hot Chocolate Fondue
( Ready in 30 seconds for emergency use. )

Yes, it's been one of those months...

Jean Havoc's "Why Can't I Get A Date?" Triple-Garlic Pasta

First things first: Jean isn't so dumb that he doesn't realize that eating this before taking a woman out on the town is A Bad Idea. The name came up like this: he made it one time for Breda, who took one whiff (and one bite) and said, "Fuck, man, you eat like this and you wonder why you can't pick up chicks?" And the name stuck. It's one of his favorite things to serve to friends precisely because it gives you unholy dragonbreath. If you all reek of garlic, none of you are likely to be offended by the others.

The genesis of the dish is this: Jean grew up on a farm, with a farm's rotation of chores. Mrs. Havoc declared early in her marriage that, just because she'd borne four sons and no daughters, she was not going to do all the cooking, laundering, mending, canning, and so on -- 'women's tasks' or otherwise. So cooking dinner for the family (and the hired help, and the cousins visiting to help get the apple harvest in, and Uncle Samuel who's here about loaning his bull for stud, and...) made it onto the chore rotation... and young Jean Havoc discovered two things: one, he was pretty good at it -- and two, putting increasing amounts of pungent ingredients in a food is a great way to establish your machismo with your two older brothers and many older cousins.

Epic Flaming Death Stew met its demise at the say-so of his older relatives, but Triple-Garlic Pasta was a surprise hit -- despite calling for more than one head of garlic per person -- and, because it required few and cheap ingredients and not much prep time, it stayed in his repertoire for years after he finally left the farm to join the army. And (lingering machismo here) he has made a point to serve it to all of his co-workers at one time or another, to see how they handle the garlic overload. Mustang privately thinks the dish is misnamed; indeed, with the right kind of girl, Jean could do quite well by serving it to her.

(This is not a garlic dish for the faint-hearted. This is a garlic dish for people who love garlic with an unholy fire; it's kin to those 'Chicken and 40 Garlic' dishes where garlic overload is the whole point. Be warned!)

( Jean Havoc's Triple-Garlic Pasta )

Sent to me by an old acquaintance, I must admit, I have never made these per the actual recipe. I've ony made a modified form, with a great deal less sugar and butter, fewer eggs, and the cream to milk ratio reversed. But they were still damn good even so, and I can only imagine what the actual recipe tastes like.


Homunculi have no need to eat (food), but this is exactly what Lust would prepare if given the chance. Gluttony, of course, loved it (and her for it). And, yes, I know there is no France.


( Sinful French Toast )

( Praline Topping )