"Still don't believe you actually need to shave," Ryouma said, around a yawn that cracked his jaw. "Bet that's why you wear the mask. S'okay, I don't judge you for only having peach-fuzz at eighteen. There's products for that…"

"You're right," Kakashi said, in a voice so dry it could've leeched the humidity from the air. "That's exactly why I wear it."

Ryouma grinned, satisfied. "Thought so."

The horseshoe-shaped barracks block loomed over them, three storeys of weathered concrete and windows. Rookies were housed in the north wing, while those veterans who chose to stay at HQ found rooms on the sunnier south. A paved courtyard with benches and new-leafed trees separated the two barracks wings, while gyms, a recreation room, and laundry facilities filled the connecting east wing. Ryouma wondered if they'd let him launder any of his filthy uniform in the communal machines, or if they'd make him burn it far, far away.

"Hey," he said, "Kakashi. Kinda fell asleep before I got to say it, but—"

"Rasengan no Jutsu!" a high-pitched voice howled, and a tiny yellow-haired child launched itself out of the nearest tree with a flutter of shredded leaves.

Kakashi's Sharingan eye snapped open. He darted forward, snagging the child out of the air. It resolved into a small boy, getting leggy as he grew out of toddlerhood, with bright blue eyes, scraped knees, and an enormous grin. "Naruto-kun," Kakashi said blankly. "What are you doing?"

"Ambushing you," the boy said in delight. He grabbed onto Kakashi's shoulder-straps and wrapped his legs around Kakashi's waist. "You were surprised, right? What if I'd been a bad guy, huh?" He tried prying at the buckle of a strap with his fingernail. "What happened to your face? Can I wear this?"

Kakashi freed a hand to close over the boy's, stopping him from prying the buckle up. "Naruto-kun, where's your guard? Why are you alone?" Alarm edged his voice.

The boy gave up on the buckle and draped himself over Kakashi's shoulder. "Dad's gone," he said. "He's been gone four days. And nobody'll tell me where he is. So you'n me are going to find him, okay? But you can eat dinner first," he added generously. His nose crinkled; he lifted his head off Kakashi's shoulder, leaning away from the wild hair that hadn't seen more than a rough scrub in river-water in three days. "An' maybe shower. Can I ride Baiji?" Blue eyes found Ryouma, over Kakashi's shoulder. "You wanna come? Who're you?"

"Uh," Ryouma said. "I'm a friend of Kakashi's. Are you—Kakashi, is this the Hokage's son?"

"Naruto-kun," Kakashi said doggedly, as if by clinging to this one point he could tread water in a sea of madness, "did you run away from your guard?"

"Um," the boy said evasively. "No? I sneaked. Like a ninja!"

Kakashi's head tilted briefly upwards, as if he were appealing for strength from the cloud-speckled sky. Then he shifted Naruto to one hip, freeing his hands enough to skim through a few seals. A bunshin popped out of a burst of smoke and stood silently waiting, on the verge of flight. Kakashi said, "Where did you get loose? From the palace?"

"There was a fire in the kitchen," Naruto said, patting vaguely at Kakashi's hair. "Saya-san yelled a lot and then she cried and Wolf wasn't paying attention to me, so I went away…"

Ryouma winced in reflexive sympathy. Wolf, he suspected, would not be getting commendations when the Hokage returned home.

Kakashi's arm curled a little tighter around Naruto, as if he didn't like the shape of that story. He nodded at the clone. "Saya-san and the Wolf-moron, then. Tell them both he's safe."

The clone vanished in a blur of speed, heading around HQ for the edge of the cliff and the Hokage's palace. Kakashi shifted Naruto up more comfortably on his hip and turned back to Ryouma. His Sharingan eye was closed again, but the grey right eye looked resigned. "Naruto-kun, this is Tousaki-san, the rot ninja I told you about. Tousaki, meet crowbait."

He'd told the Hokage's son about Ryouma?

Well, possibly in the sense of I just met the world's biggest idiot today, but— Still. Ryouma pulled himself together and bent a shallow bow. Naruto ducked his head back, staring wide-eyed. "Can you melt somebody?"