He poured himself the dregs of the coffeepot and added less sugar this time. "You ever like somebody you shouldn't?"

Kakashi's eye widened for a flicker of an instant, then narrowed warily. "You like Ueno?"

"Wha—?" Ryouma set his mug down hurriedly, before he spilled it. "No, she's got the hots for you. She thinks you're pretty. No, I meant— Like Hokage-sama, or somebody. He's hot, right?"

"You like Minato-sensei?" Kakashi said blankly. It might have been blank horror.

"No," Ryouma said. "I mean, yes, everyone in Konoha likes him, but that wasn't— It was just a random question, okay. People have those, it's called having a conversation."

Kakashi put his mug down with a gentle click. "You like the captain," he said.

This had never, ever been a good idea. Why hadn't he remembered Kakashi's refusal to be distracted once he'd found a scent?

Denial would only draw it out. Ryouma shrugged instead. "No ANBU agent is permitted to fraternize with a senior officer. So there's not much point whether I like him or not." He tried a casual sip of his coffee. Bitter.

"Or you could get promoted," Kakashi pointed out.

Ryouma rolled his eyes. "You're right, Kakashi. Why didn't I think of that? Of course I can get promoted to captain in three months, before either of us gets killed or loses interest or hooks up with somebody else, and we can shack up and have cuddly ANBU babies. Look, I didn't want to know how I can get the captain to like me, I don't even want him to like me—"

That was half a lie, maybe. Lust was great, he'd take lust every day of the week and twice on the weekend. More than that was dangerous, and he doubted it'd be worth it.

"I just wanted to see if maybe you knew how to kill a crush," he said, and drained his coffee. "Since you know everything else. Bad topic, obviously. Next time I'll ask about Kuse no Kuni politics. Or tea. Not to your taste?"

Kakashi glanced down at his abandoned tea and visibly dismissed it. "Did...you and Namiashi actually have a thing?"

Ryouma should have taken that counter-interrogation continuing education course they'd been offering at the Academy last month. Who the hell was stupid enough to think they could just stick to name, rank, and ID number?

Leaving Kakashi to wonder now would only make it worse, though. Ryouma sighed, and leaned against the counter. "Met him in a bar half a year ago. We hooked up once. He was gone when I woke up, I headed out on a mission, I never saw him again. Well, ANBU. I didn't expect to. We've talked about it already, it's not a problem. Boundaries, y'know." He scuffed his foot against the shabby floor. "He's hot, but so's everybody in ANBU. I should probably just get out more. Or, I dunno…" He gave Kakashi a searching, speculative look. "You're hot, and I'm not covered in pig-rot anymore. How many points would I have to earn?"

The best defense, after all, was a good offense.