An Ill Wind - Main Community

The Quibbler
October 1980

Wizards, Lock Up Your Daughters!

The Daily Prophet announced earlier this month that society lady Florence Rosier would be marrying Rabastan Lestrange, brother to boggart Minister Lestrange. The staff at The Quibbler has uncovered the frightening truth: both Lestrange men are boggarts, and they seek to breed! The number of weddings this month suggest that boggarts are spreading throughout the wizarding community. Such possible boggart/witch couples include Rookwood/Jugson, Malfoy/Black, Avery/Mulciber, Prewett/Catchlove, and Wilkes/Carrow. Further investigation is required. (continued on page 3)

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Who: Nora and Xeno Lovegood
What: The best news EVER
When: Monday, 21 September, 1980; late afternoon
Where: The Rook
Rating: PG
Status: Complete

( Xeno, I'm pregnant )

Drinking night for Xeno & Arthur after the latter comes to his senses.

Who: Xeno & Nora
What: The Lovegoods bond and have some much needed alone time
Where: The Weasley's new home
When: Monday evening, August 24th
Rating: PG-13-ish
Status: Complete

( It wasn't very often the two of them became passionate, but those moments were intense, enough to tide them over until the next time. )

( Owl to Miss Veronica Smethley )

( Owl to Xeno & Nora Lovegood )

( Howler sent to Charity Burbage from St. Mungo's, approximately one am )

Who: Xeno and Nora Lovegood, Fenrir Greyback, Henry Lowell, Malificient Bane, Nina Schultheiß
When: 14 August, 1980; late.
Where: Ottery St Catchpole; Lovegood residence.
What: Well, you know.
Rating: PG-13.
Status: Completed log.

( Not a cat. People. And their door was hanging off it's hinges.  )

The Quibbler
August 1980

Details on the Dark Army!

On 12 July 1980, our neighbors, the Weasleys, were attacked by the Dark Army. Most everyone in the family was hurt, and one child was kidnapped and is still in the custody of the Dark Army. Because of this attack, The Quibbler has received details regarding the makeup of the Dark Army, and we felt it was our duty to correct our mistake and warn the wizarding public of this threat. The Dark Army is in fact, led by the werewolf Fenrir Greyback, and has a number of werewolves, vampires, banshees, and hags at its disposal.

For your own protection, we would like to offer up the general weaknesses of the creatures that are a part of the Dark Army. Werewolves are vunerable to silver: it burns their skin, even when they are in human form. Vampires can be killed by a wooden stake to the heart, and are vunerable to sunlight, so they usually only travel at night. An American witch has suggested in a recent publication that vampires sparkle in the sunlight, but dear readers, this is not the truth. Vampires will be severely hurt or even killed in the sunlight. Banshees have very short lifespans and are scared of fire, while hags are slow and stupid, but can occassionally display short bursts of speed. (continued on page 3)

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( Back Panel of The Quibbler )

The Quibbler
July 1980

Boggart Lestrange builds Dark Army

Recently discovered! Minister Lestrange has been enlisting various dark creatures for a terrifying "dark army" to be released on wizarding Britain. This army is being led by a fellow boggart, who like our Minister, has the ability to stay in one form of his or her choosing. So far, the dark army consists of these mutant boggarts, nargles, doxies, fire-breathing mosquitoes, snorkacks, at least one landshark, and a pack of werewolves. (story continued on page 3)

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Who: Xeno Lovegood & Charity Burbage
What: Job interview!
When: Friday, 3-ish
Where: The Leaky Cauldron
Status: Incomplete
Rating: PG

( The Quibbler was doing well. )

( Owl to Charity Burbage )

The Quibbler
June 1980

The London Massacre Ministry Cover-Up
Early in May, London was the site of multiple attacks, with many speculating potential Death Eater activity. After much investigation, I have concluded that our boggart in residence, Minister Lestrange was behind the attacks. In fact, the minister himself was responsible for all of the attacks, due to his unnatural ability to be in multiple places at once.

The Ministry of Magic has refused comment, and has even attempted a cover-up. A Ministry employee, who shall remain anonymous, threatened the Quibbler with legal action in an attempt to impede the investigation. (con'd on p.3)

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( letter to Xenophilius Lovegood )

Minister Lestrange: dark wizard, or is he?
There have been many speculations of regarding the new appointment of Rodolphus Lestrange as Minister of Magic, the most popular has suggested that Lestrange is a dark wizard. But I fear, dear readers, that matters are worse than that. Rodolphus Lestrange is dead and his body has been replaced by a boggart who has learned to control its shape-shifting abilities. A witness who wishes to remain anonymous, has come forward. This witness has actually seen Minister Lestrange shape-shift in his office, but declined to tell us which shapes he took. Rumors of his ties to dark magic as unfounded, rather he is a dark creature who wishes to take over the wizarding world through assimilation and a contagious virus. Recent intelligence shows that the boggart population has developed some sort of language virus, where words themselves become a contagion.

So dear readers, I recommend caution. If you notice any strange effects such as a sudden ability to shape shift, sleepwalking, strange babbling, or any strange appendages appearing on your body that were not there the night before, then your body might have been taken over by a boggart. "Resistance is futile," is their war cry, but I am here to tell you, dear readers, that resistance is not futile. You can prevent the invasion of your body but sprinkling all entry ways in your home with sage oil and by wearing a protective head gear, made of aluminum foil, while you sleep. Aluminum foil can easily be found at any muggle grocery store.

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( Acknowledgements )