Minister Lestrange: dark wizard, or is he?
There have been many speculations of regarding the new appointment of Rodolphus Lestrange as Minister of Magic, the most popular has suggested that Lestrange is a dark wizard. But I fear, dear readers, that matters are worse than that. Rodolphus Lestrange is dead and his body has been replaced by a boggart who has learned to control its shape-shifting abilities. A witness who wishes to remain anonymous, has come forward. This witness has actually seen Minister Lestrange shape-shift in his office, but declined to tell us which shapes he took. Rumors of his ties to dark magic as unfounded, rather he is a dark creature who wishes to take over the wizarding world through assimilation and a contagious virus. Recent intelligence shows that the boggart population has developed some sort of language virus, where words themselves become a contagion.
So dear readers, I recommend caution. If you notice any strange effects such as a sudden ability to shape shift, sleepwalking, strange babbling, or any strange appendages appearing on your body that were not there the night before, then your body might have been taken over by a boggart. "Resistance is futile," is their war cry, but I am here to tell you, dear readers, that resistance is not futile. You can prevent the invasion of your body but sprinkling all entry ways in your home with sage oil and by wearing a protective head gear, made of aluminum foil, while you sleep. Aluminum foil can easily be found at any muggle grocery store.
Table of Contents page 2. Acknowledgements page 3. Minister Lestrange: dark wizard, or is he? page 4. The quest for the Deathly Hallows: dark magic, or spiritual journey? page 6. Prophecies: divination tools, or subtle form of mind control? page 8. Ex-Minister Wilde's illegal trade in fire-breathing mosquitoes page 9. Bat Boy: sightings! page 10. Trifles on Trifle, by Eleanor Lovegood
Acknowledgements The staff of The Quibbler wishes to thank everyone at Obscurus Books and Flourish and Blotts, for their help. This magazine would not have been possible without their constant support. [Below are two large ads for both the publishing house and the bookstore]