Log: Tommy and Kurt Who; Tommy and Kurt When; September 8th, afternoon Where; The rec room What; Kurt tells Tommy he loves her, and Tommy ... doesn't say it back so Kurt gets all sad. With macaroni and cheese.
Kurt didn't know what to do. JP was leaving, the school was in a state of chaos over registration. He was dodging all of it and it didn't feel right, but he couldn't turn himself in, either. He was a mutant who'd tried to kill the president. Whether or not he was in his right mind really didn't matter. At all. Turning himself in was a death sentence.
So he was torn. And when he was torn, it meant an opportunity to eat. He had a big bowl of macaroni and cheese and was halfway through it while sitting in front of the television and losing himself in a Danny Kaye film. This was easier than paying attention to real life. He'd talked to Father Zeckhausen; he'd done his part for today. He wanted some time to not think.
"So you stole all the mac and cheese. You jerk." Tommy plopped down next to him touting a different flavor of calories: ramen noodles. Shrimp flavored. And ... there's something else in there, God only knows what it is.
Kurt looked over to sniff what she had. Mmm. He'd eat it even if it wasn't identifiable. He'd eat anything. Looking at the food was easy, but looking up at her...? They had a strange kind of relationship. They slept together. Or, they used to. They didn't date, they just couldn't control their lust for one another. Or maybe it was Kurt's issues with lust. He wasn't sure. She'd gotten cranky with him a few times. For a while there they lived in a constant state of sexual tension, where all they wanted to do was tear one another's clothes off. Kurt felt quite guilty about that. And for a while it was fun and exciting and new and different. Naughty. As time went by they got bored with each other. The excitement went away and they just sort of drifted. But Kurt found that he missed her presence. Missed her being around.
He decided he was very fond of her indeed. She wasn't ready to have any kind of a committed relationship. That was all right. But ... maybe he loved her. Maybe he did. The idea of untangling sex and love and willingly having the two things separate? That was a foreign idea until Tommy came along. Maybe ... he did love her. He was looking at her now and deciding that he'd like to wake up next to her. Every morning. Even if she was ... troubled. Crazy. Loving her was mixed up in part with saving her. It was complex.
"You shouldn't sit so close," he said. Then he went on: "I smell awful."
Tommy actually leaned in and sniffed. "I've smelled worse. I kinda like that. It's homey." Stinky and homey. That raging urge to fuck him all the time had died down, and ... that was nice. It left room for being friends or ... whatever. Having Kurt around was nice. Comfortable. He made her feel safe, even if she wasn't ready for a real relationship. But, there was ... this crazy part of her that couldn't see herself winding up with anyone but Kurt, when she was ready. But that? That was ridiculous.
"It's brimstone," said Kurt, sucking on his fork. "I teleported into this room." Therefore, he smelled like that inky blue smoke, which smelled like rotten eggs or ... model rocket engines. "Sorry." He sounded hideously embarrassed. The sulfur smell was really an embarrassment. Horrible.
Tommy liked it. Which probably wasn't healthy, but for some reason that dirty rotten egg smell wasn't gross to her---well, no, it was kind of gross, but it was no worse than a sewer. She gently kissed his cheek. See? Doesn't bother her. "Don't be."
Kurt turned his face and responded in one fluid movement----pressing his lips against hers and kissing her. Kissing her like it was meant to be a peck and then just started to linger, and then started to become all-important.
Tommy made a bit of a noise, not expecting him to linger, but ... ooh. She bit gently at his mouth before nuzzling. They weren't really all over each other anymore, itching with sexual tension, but that was nice, too. Familiar, kind of habitual. "...Hi, there."
"Hi." Kurt pressed his lips together, cheeks turning purple in a blush.
Tommy set her bowl on the coffee table so she could lean in again for another, much more intentional kiss. She liked the way that felt, that whole familiar thing.
This surprised Kurt, his lips open when she went in for the kiss, his teeth scraping her mouth. He kissed, he let her kiss. He almost dropped his macaroni and cheese. This was a good time. He wanted to tell her he might love her. Wanted to tell her to sleep in his room so he could curl up with her. All he could manage was a quiet, strangled sound.
Letting that kiss end, Tommy rested against his side, her head on his shoulder. "Okay. You can finish your ... stuff. Sorry." Like he hadn't started it as much as he had.
Kurt bit down on his lip and smiled before he went back to his macaroni and cheese. "JP left. He's leaving and going back to Canada." He sounded devastated about this.
"I heard." Tommy frowned. "I don't get that part."
"He was deported," Kurt explained. "He got a letter of deportation. He does not really want to go but he decided to leave before anyone came after him. Decided he would leave on his own time. He will see his sister, he's been wanting to do that." He nodded, touching his fork against his lips, like they still tingled from the kiss.
"Wonder what Xi'an's going to do." Tommy didn't always get exactly what was going on, but she knew relationships. She knew Kurt was close to JP and that Xi'an spent a good amount of time with him. "It's a bummer."
"She will probably tell everyone else that it is nothing to worry about," said Kurt, stirring the macaroni. Xi'an tended to be a bit of a hardass. He shared a bathroom with her and he couldn't imagine her getting all distraught and upset over anything.
Honestly, Kurt didn't much care about the conversation. He kept sneaking glances her way, straightening his shoulders. He wanted to tell her. Didn't know what would happen if he did. "You are... so beautiful," he finally said. It wasn't what he wanted to say but it was a start. "I have never seen anyone so beautiful."
Kurt said that ... constantly, actually. It was one thing that hadn't changed. They were constantly complimenting each other. "Mm, thank you." Tommy kissed his shoulder. "Same to you."
Maybe they needed to hear it from each other because no one else would say it. When Tommy called him beautiful, he knew she meant it. His tail slithered behind his back and slid around her waist. "I... Tommy, I do not want you to take this the wrong way..."
"Take what the wrong way?" Tommy rested her chin on his shoulder, looking up at him.
"I know this is not something you want to hear." Kurt tilted his head a little to look at her. "But I... I love you." There, he said it. That wasn't that hard.
Tommy stared up at him, unsure of exactly what to say. She couldn't say it back without lying, but... She smiled instead. "Thank you. You know if I could, I would."
That really wasn't the answer Kurt wanted. He hesitated, taking time to press his lips together. Okay. And then he looked away and went back to his food. What he really wanted to do was teleport out of there, but he ... no. He knew this was how it was going to go. His tail uncurled from her waist.
She felt bad. Of course she did. Tommy cared about Kurt as much as she could care about anybody. Eventually, sure, but right now she just didn't ... feel the same. "Kurt." Tommy leaned over, touching his cheek to turn him back toward her. "Hey."
"No, I know." They went through this before, didn't they? He patted her hand. "It's cool." Awkward American slang in his German accent. He never quite used it at appropriate times.
"You mean as much to me as anyone can," she said, leaning in to kiss his mouth. "That's a lot."
Kurt turned his face at the last minute and let her kiss his cheek.
"Don't do that," Tommy murmured, kissing his neck instead.
"Tommy, please." He gently pressed his hands to her shoulders and pushed her back. He was hurting right now. "It's okay. But not right now."
"Kurt." She sighed, backing off. "I just need time to be ready. I don't want to say it until I mean it."
"I know." Kurt didn't think she'd ever be ready. He shouldn't have said anything. He patted her head like he was playing with a kitten, then gently stroked her hair. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. ---And stop that." Tommy brushed at his hand. "I want to be around you. I'm happy you told me."
Kurt nodded again, twirling strands of her hair around his fingers. "I'll talk to you later." He gathered up his bowl and left the couch. He was okay with this, he just wanted to be alone for a little while.
Tommy watched him go, torn between guilt and aggravation. But ... fine. Time alone. Great for him.