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Bellatrix Rose Black-Lestrange ([info]afm_bella) wrote in [info]aftermpast,
@ 2008-05-26 15:16:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Who: Bella and Lucius
What: A heart felt talk about the changing tides of the war.
Where: Malfoy Manor.
When: Late October 1981.
Rating: TBD!
Status: Closed/Complete.




Bella leaned against the windowsill, staring out across her grounds as her thoughts ran a mile a minute. She had never once regretted something she had done, never. But this, she wouldn't call it regret so much as it was fear. Fear of what would happen if they were caught. And it would only be a matter of time before it happened. They could only run and hide for so long before it all caught up with them.

Or at least they would. Rodolphus was out once again, makings arrangements and plans just for that in case it came down to them needing to run. Torturing Muggles was one thing, as was mud bloods and half bloods - but they- herself, Rodolphus, Rabastan and Barty had done so much more than that. They had tortured two Aurors into insanity. The Ministry wasn't likely to over look that or let them off easily. At least not she and her family. Barty could hide behind his father if need be, but she and her family had no one to hide behind.

Pushing away from the window as her thoughts took a darker turn she figured it would be good to get out of the manor. She had been cooped up for far too long. It was easier for Rodolphus and Rabastan to go out than herself. She was far too well known, not only for who she was but for the way she looked.

Grabbing a hand full of floo powder she headed to the fireplace and tossed it in. A few moments later she stepped out of the fire place in Lucius' study, wiping the spare soot that clung to her pants.

"Lucius?" She glanced around hoping she wouldn't have to go looking for him. She really didn't want Narcissa to know she was there. it would be better for her sister in the long run to not have any further contact with her. She headed further into the study, looking for her long time friend as her thoughts continued to turn a mile a minute. He had always been a good listener and at the moment she needed nothing more than to get her thoughts out of her head.

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[info]afm_lucius
2008-05-27 02:44 am UTC (link)
Lucius had been in his room when he had heard the his name called from his study across the hall. Quickly, Malfoy got to his feet grabbing the first shirt he could in the closet.

Footsteps echoed on the wooden floorboards as he buttoned up a white shirt. As he walked into the study, he fastened the last of them as his silver-blue eyes stared at Bellatrix. "Bella, what's wrong?"

She looked obviously distraught. He wanted to rush over and hold her, tell her that there was nothing to worry, but Lucius stood silently in the doorway.

Delicately, Malfoy ran his hand through his long flaxen tresses, trying to make them a bit more presentable. He didn't mind his sister-in-law seeing him in a unflattering way, but Lucius' heart always tugged when she drew near, even though the pull had weakened with the passing of the years.

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[info]afm_bella
2008-05-27 03:31 am UTC (link)
She stood completely still in the middle of his study, her thoughts all competing for attention at the forefront of her mind. His presence had helped calm her a bit, not much, but a bit. It had always been the two of them since Hogwarts. He was her best friend, and had it not been for Rodolphus coming into her life she would have most likely been living with him at the Manor and not Narcissa.

"Do you ever wonder," she started as the fear and worry she had been feeling made itself known on her face, "if this is all worth it? If what were doing to ourselves and our families is really worth it all?"

She sagged against his desk, the adrenaline from earlier leaving as she voiced her fears out loud. She knew he wouldn't judge her for her doubts, but it didn't make her feel any better for having them in the first place.

"Things are getting worse Lucius. And I fear where the path is leading us all."

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[info]afm_lucius
2008-05-27 08:47 pm UTC (link)
Lucius moved into his study, closing the door behind him. Thankfully, Narcissa was out with one of her friends, but it was always best to keep the house-elves in the dark, especially Dobby -- a particularly nosey elf.

"I've been wondering this for a while..." Malfoy said honestly as he picked up a picture frame off his bookshelf. The frame contained two pictures, one of Bellatrix and Lucius at their graduation from Hogwarts grinning widely, and the other was of Narcissa and himself holding their baby boy in the drawing room of the Manor. "...especially now that I have Draco."

A soft, but sublte smile graced his face as he said the name of his son. Lucius was so proud of Draco. He was the light of Malfoy's life and everytime he looked at his son, his questions went away.

Slowly his expression changed as he put the frame down and turned back to Bellatrix. "I think this is worth it if we suceed." He paused as he stared at the most loyal of the Dark Lord's subjects, hesitant to raise his concerns. "I'm just worried that we've hedged our bets on the losing side..."

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[info]afm_bella
2008-05-27 10:25 pm UTC (link)
A sad smile graced her lips as she watched him stare at his wife and son and for the first time ever she was glad she and Rodolphus hadn't had children yet. It wouldn't be fair to put them through this when they had done nothing to deserve it.

"I have been wondering for quite some time as well. I have never regretted anything I have ever done. Never, and I do not regret it now but I fear," she paused as the unfamiliar word crossed her lips once again, "The Auror's are getting closer everyday. Its getting harder for Rodolphus, Rabastan and myself to remain as we are."

Her words stopped as she stared down at her hands, more unfamiliar feelings making themselves known within her. She had never known fear, regret, or worry and it seemed that lately that was all that she was doing. Fearing and worrying over what was going to happen.

"There is no winning this Lucius. We lost. You know it, I know it, and everybody else knows it. Their simply biding their time until the perfect opportunity comes along for them to strike."

She glanced up at him once more, the stress of the past few years causing her shoulders to sag and the worry to become even clearer on her face.

"I can't protect him. I can't protect him and its killing me."

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[info]afm_lucius
2008-05-27 11:38 pm UTC (link)
Lucius moved closer to Bellatrix, leaning gently against this wall. He let her words wash over him, absorbing those that mattered and letting the rest drift away. He couldn't help but wonder how Bella had gotten to this place, she of all people seemed to be willing to follow the Dark Lord to the end.

"You've never regretted anything?" Malfoy smirked. That had to be a lie. Even he, of all people, had his fair share of regrets -- especially one in particular. "Not even the time that you snuck into the Ravenclaw Common Room to spy on Richard McCallistor?" He quirked an eyebrow, indicating that he knew his sister-in-law hadn't forgotten that.

His face grew more somber as Lucius knew whom her heart ached for. It wasn't for him and it would never be. Thankfully, Narcissa was a dutiful wife who would support him in anything. His wife was blinded by love. "I know it hurts that you can't protect him, but I think Rodolphus is strong enough to take care of himself. He is no child."

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[info]afm_bella
2008-05-28 09:37 am UTC (link)
Bella's face turned a pale pink colour as he mentioned her disastrous trip into the Ravenclaw dorms.

"You were supposed to have forgotten that," she muttered darkly as she scowled at him.

"In all honesty though, there are some things I wish I would have done differently yes, but do I regret doing them all together? No. Life is too short to have it filled with regrets."

Bella turned towards him a bit, the worry showing through once more.

"I know he isn't a child, but that doesn't make the desire to see him stay happy and healthy go away. I know I can't do it forever and that bothers me. More so than I would like to admit."

It was her one weakness, what she felt for Rodolphus. If anyone were smart enough and they figured it out they could crush her in one single blow. For without him, there was no point to her being there any longer. She loved, always had and always would. But it was that which would be her downfall she feared.

"Do you ever wish things were different? That you had chosen a different path in life than the one you did? There are days I wonder what it would be like if I had never joined with the Dark Lord. If I had never taken the mark and devoted my life to the cause. I wonder....just how different would life be for me and those I love?"

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[info]afm_lucius
2008-05-28 09:53 am UTC (link)
Lucius moved over to the potrait of his Great-Great-Great-Great Grandfather Scorpius, who built the Manor. With a flick of his wrist he pulled on it's hinges revealing a makeshift bar.

Pulling out a carafe of whiskey and two glasses, Lucius eyed Bellatrix. "If I remember correctly..." Malfoy poured the liqour into one glass than started on the the other."...didn't you once tell me that I should only worry about the things that I can control." Lucius put the top back on the carafe and extended one of the glasses out towards the woman. "Take your own advice, my dear."

Malfoy took a sip of the firewhiskey before answering the question. "I never regret joining the Dark Lord. I only regret not choosing the winning side." He quirked an eyebrow devilishly. "After all, you know how much I enjoy losing."

Lucius put the glass back down on the small table beside him as he pushed the potrait back to it's usual position. "Sometimes I wonder what could have been, but I've learned that that my desires are never going to happen." Malfoy picked up the glass and turned back to Bellatrix. "Some things are unrequited."

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[info]afm_bella
2008-05-28 10:02 am UTC (link)
"Easier said than done," she muttered as she took the glass from him, watching the light show in the liquor.

"If I would take half the advice I give....life would be very different I can assure you of that."

Bella watched him closely, a bit more of the tension and fear she had been feeling seeped out of her. Lucius was the only other person aside from Rodolphus who could do that to her. Put her completely at ease, and she enjoyed it.

"I don't either. I bear my mark proudly and I will always stand by my beliefs. But....Merlin I can't believe I'm saying this...he was a fool in some of the decisions he made. In some of the people he listened to. If only he had stopped and gotten someone else's opinion or idea I don't think we would be standing here having this conversation nor would Rodolphus be out making arrangements for the two of us.

But whats done is done and there is not a damn thing you or I can do about changing it. All I can do is wait and see what fate has decided for me. If Rodolphus and I go into hiding like he thinks, or if twin cells in Azkaban is where we're headed.

As much as I hate to be the pessimist...I doubt he and I are going to be spending sunny days on a random beach in Italy any time soon."

She moved closer to him, leaning against the wall as she watched him replace the portrait.

"Whats that supposed to mean? You have Narcissa, how can your desires not happen?" Bella was highly confused by his statement. She knew her sister loved him, so there should be no reason why he was wanting for anything. Narcissa would do anything for him. Granted she didn't think her sister would go as far for Lucius as she was willing to do for Rodolphus but to each his own.

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[info]afm_lucius
2008-05-28 10:14 am UTC (link)
Lucius looked back over his shoulder at Bellatrix then slowly turned to face her at a more comfortable angle. "Lets be serious now. Merlin knows, even you questioned him when Pettigrew and McNair were given the mark." Malfoy took a sip. "Not that I blame you."

Malfoy glanced out the large window behind his desk. A bird flew by and then went out of sight. "I can't believe we are actually having this conversation." Slowly he turned back to Bellatrix. "Nor can I believe that you are going to be caught before Evan or Regulus."

Lucius took another sip. "Some of my desires are just not feasible." Malfoy laughed nervously. "Do you remember our fourth year, when you returned from transfiguration to find a note with the Byron poem scribbled on it laying on your bed? The one that you thought Dolphus wrote."

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[info]afm_bella
2008-05-28 10:38 am UTC (link)
"Filthy fucking rat," she hissed as her feelings quickly turned to anger at the mention of Pettigrew. "How our Lord ever thought he belonged as one of us is above and beyond me. I warned him about the both of them. But Merlin forbid a man take a woman's advice."

Bella shrugged as she continued to stare down into her drink.

"I'm more well known that either Evan or Regulus. I always knew if something happened to him that I would be one of the first ones to go. Even if the thought of the Dementors terrify me. There are things that even I do not wish to relive."

She shuddered as recent happenings sprang to the front of her mind, sadness welling up inside of her immediately. Not one, but two gone and the chance for anymore had been destroyed. She shoved the feelings back down into the box she kept them in. Now was not the time to take them out and play with them. Not when there was other people around.

Confusion showed plainly on Bella's face at his words and his behaviour.

"Yes. Rodolphus was furious for days at the thought that someone else was trying to court me. Even though he himself hadn't officially started doing it yet.

Why do you ask?"

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[info]afm_lucius
2008-05-28 10:48 am UTC (link)
Lucius sipped the firewhiskey before responding. His heart beat fast as he prepared to tell her something Malfoy had never shared with another. "She walks in beauty, like the night, Of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that 's best of dark and bright, Meet in her aspect and her eyes..."

Slowly prepared himself for the certain onslaught that was sure to come at his confession. "I wrote the note." He sighed. "One of my biggest regrets was not telling you that it was me, but instead sitting idley by as you swooned at the thought of Dolphus writing it." Malfoy clenched his glass tightly. "That was the first time you told me that you had feelings for him and I just stood there and said nothing."

He looked away, like a disgraced child trying not to look at a disappointed parent. "It's not like it makes a difference. You would have never seen me that way."

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[info]afm_bella
2008-05-28 11:10 am UTC (link)
Bella just stood there for a few moments, too shocked to really form words or a coherent thought.

"I..."Her mouth snapped shut once more as memories of all the times over the years she had gone to him about her and Rodolphus. The first time Rodolphus had said he loved her, when he had formerly asked her to marry him, even when he had planned on taking her for the first time. She hadn't thought anything about it then, Lucius was her best friend she shared everything with him.

Now she felt stupid for doing it. For having rubbed his face in it and the fact that she loved someone else. Guilt set in immediately as she once again tried to form words to express what she was feeling and thinking but couldn't. Setting her glass down on the desk she closed the space between them quickly, coming to stop a in front of him, barely a breath of space separating them.

"Why didn't you tell me?" The question came out barely above a whisper but she was afraid to say it any louder in case someone would hear them. She didn't want to make things worse than she already had.

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[info]afm_lucius
2008-05-28 11:18 am UTC (link)
Lucius finished his glass in the time it took her to process what he has said. He wasn't thirsty, but felt drinking was better than standing there awkwardly.

Malfoy was shocked as she moved towards him. Silver-blue eyes stared down at the woman who was but inches from him. In this moment he regretted that he had said anything at all. Their relationship was forever changed and for Lucius the only thing that would be worse than not being able to love Bellatrix, would be for their friendship to end.

"I-I wanted you to be happy." He paused. "I wasn't going to compete with him for you. It was always clear where you stood and I thought I'd get over you, but I didn't." His eyes pierced deeper into hers. "I couldn't let you go."

Lucius moved in to kiss Bellatrix, but stopped inches from her lips. "See I was always so close, but never close enough." Slowly he pulled back.

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[info]afm_bella
2008-05-28 11:26 am UTC (link)
"You should have told me Lucius. I feel like a fool now for all the times I came to you about Rodolphus and I. As though I rubbed your face in it."

She paused, her body tensing a bit at his stare and as she took a step closer to him.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. Your my best friend, the last thing I want is to know that I did that to you. If your not happy, then I'm not happy. You should have said something to me, instead of just standing by and listening as I rambled on about Rodolphus.

I can't help who my heart choose Lucius. But I can help who it hurts. And never do I want for that to be you."

She froze, her eyes moving from his to lips and back to his again as she waited for him to take what he wanted. She almost sighed in frustration as he pulled back once more.

"You only ever had to ask," she whispered before closing what little space had been between them and kissed him, one hand fisting in the front of his shirt as she other wound into his hair. She couldn't give him everything he wanted, not without hurting the both of them more than was necessary but she could give him a piece and hope that it would be enough and that it wouldn't change things between them.

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[info]afm_lucius
2008-05-28 06:11 pm UTC (link)
The potrait of Scorpius gasped then ran off to seduce the nude in the foyer as Lucius wrapped his hands around Bellatrix's waste pulling her closer.

For an instant it seemed as time stopped as Malfoy pulled away and began kissing his best friend's neck. It was like he had always imagined, no better. The softness of her lips and skin were real and ready for the taking.

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[info]afm_bella
2008-05-28 10:36 pm UTC (link)
Bella's eyes slipped closed and her head tipped back to give him better access to what he wanted. Her arms wrapped around his neck of their own accord and a sigh escaped from her lips.

"Luc..." her nick name for him rolled off of her tongue easily and being in the current situation they were in only made things better.

"Lucius....somewhere else....to open here..." her words came out in incoherent gasps but she hoped it would be enough for him to get the point. His study was far too open for this to happen. Too many people could just walk right on in and she wasn't about to let that happen.

Leaning forward a bit her lips left a path across his jaw and up to his ear, her teeth making the occasional nip. "Bed..."

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[info]afm_lucius
2008-05-29 09:21 am UTC (link)
Lucius had been moving towards Bellatrix's cleavage when she brought their location into the forefront of his mind. Unlike her, Malfoy had no shame in ravaging her right there, but he wasn't going to ignore her request.

Still intertwined in kisses, nipping, and falling of clothing, the two moved across the hall into the bedroom in perfect unison. Once the door was locked their bodies became intertwined once more on the large plush bed where Draco had been conceived.

Malfoy worshiped every inch of her as the two experienced a passion that had been years in the making. Moans echoed through Manor as carnal fling continued. For a moment the world seemed to stop.

It was only when they were finished did Lucius notice the blood dripping from the clawmarks on his back. Malfoy didn't seem to notice, his eyes were still transfixed on the nude angel that laid next to him. All that he could manage was a large toothy grin.

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[info]afm_bella
2008-05-29 09:35 am UTC (link)
Bella lay quietly next to him, her heart racing and her breathing attempting to return to normal as she tried to process what had just happened. She wasn't ashamed of it, not in the least. It would be the first time they had done anything like it together but it definitely was not the first time she had thought about it. It was much better than she had imagined though. Lucius, she would have to admit, was a very talented lover and if it weren't Rodolphus Bella would have been more than happy to make Lucius her own, but she loved her husband and wasn't about to destroy either him or Narcissa simply for her wants and needs.

She turned her head slightly so she could see him better, a fit of giggles escaping from her as she saw the look on his face. She reached out and ran a single finger down the side of his face, across his neck and down his chest as she simply stared at him, paying no attention to red that swelled on his back.

"Try not to look so much like the cat who ate the canary Lucius. Although..." a grin to match his own spread across her face as she scooted closer to him, an arm wrapping around him as she lay her head on his chest, "It was much better than anything my imagination ever came up with when thinking about you and I in bed together."

Her thoughts, fears, and worries from earlier had been pushed aside for now as she raised her head and allowed her eyes to roam over his nude form once again, an appreciative smile spreading across her face.

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[info]afm_lucius
2008-05-31 09:28 pm UTC (link)
Instinctively, Lucius ran his hand through Bella's hair then wrapped his hands around her waist. She looked beautiful in the afternoon light and Lucius hoped that this moment could last forever.

Malfoy let them sit there in silence for a few moments before speaking. "Did you ever consider being the Lady of the Malfoy Manor?"

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[info]afm_bella
2008-06-01 12:11 am UTC (link)
She hmmed in contentment as his hand ran through her hair, the motion doing even more to calm her rattled nerves.

Soft laughter came from her as she glanced up at his face, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

"If I told you that one point I had entertained the thought what would you think? For I did. When we were a great deal younger I had thought about what it would be like to be your wife, to have all of the things that came with being married to a Malfoy. It was something, that if it had not been Rodolphus I would have done everything in my power to see come to."

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[info]afm_lucius
2008-06-01 09:49 pm UTC (link)
Lucius rested his hand on hers for a moment as she spoke. It was flattering that she had once considered it.

"Things would have been a lot different." He smirked. "We'd be in a very different situation and entertaining very different worries." He considered making a joke about how if they were married Draco would probably be raven-haired, but decided not to voice his thought.

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Props for using that icon :D
[info]afm_bella
2008-06-02 12:35 am UTC (link)
"I wonder just how different? I know the dark lord would still be a problem. I would have joined with him no matter who I was married to. But I wonder if all things would have been the same."

She watched the image that floated into her mind, what it would have been like to have children with Lucius. She had thought about it before. A mix of raven haired and blonde children, all with either blue or silver eyes. It brought an even brighter smile to her face. She had done the same thing with Rodolphus. Their children, when they finally had them after waiting a bit longer would be beautiful. Dark haired and dark eyes. Pale skin. They would be beauties. But so would any children she would have had with Lucius.

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[info]afm_lucius
2008-06-02 11:20 pm UTC (link)
Lucius slowly pulled Bellatrix closer, not wanting this moment to end. The two had always been intimate, but this was a different level and something Malfoy had wished they had achieved earlier, before both their weddings.

"Well certainly the wedding would have gone smoother. Remember when I was helping you seconds before you were about to walk down the aisle?" He laughed lightly. "I thought your jaw was going to unhinge and you were going to bite my head off."

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[info]afm_bella
2008-06-03 08:49 am UTC (link)
Bella blushed a bright red as she slapped him playfully on the chest.

"Must you bring that up now? I am well aware that that was not one of my most stellar moments. Hence why I try to forget it as much as possible.

Besides you deserved to have your head bitten off. Your hands roamed places they didn't belong and my father was about to come around the corner. I do not think he would have been very pleased to find his future son-in-law pawing the wrong daughter. It wouldn't have gone very well for you."

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[info]afm_lucius
2008-06-03 09:58 am UTC (link)
Lucius laughed. "It's not like I was doing anything that wrong, you needed someone to zip you up and everyone else was busy yelling at the caterer and the florist."

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[info]afm_bella
2008-06-03 10:01 am UTC (link)
"Yes, well, I do appreciate it. I couldn't find my mother or Narcissa and I didn't think the five hundred guests we had would have appreciated it if I showed them the pink and green knickers I was wearing that day."

She rolled her eyes as memories of that day continued to flash in her mind. Out of five hundred people she knew maybe a handful of them, the rest were strangers. it had been one hell of a day.

"But as I do recall, you later professed your undying love to the tent pole and not myself. I was rather upset by that, the fact that you loved the tent pole more than me. Merlin we were all so drunk by the end of that night its a wonder any of us made it home without splinching ourselves."

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[info]afm_lucius
2008-06-05 12:01 am UTC (link)
"I'm convinced the caterer was trying to make up for the fact that they lost the cake in transport." He laughed remembering what little he could from that day. "Thankfully, they had conjured another by the reception."

Slowly Lucius ran his hand through Bellatrix's hair. He let the silence take over the room and in that moment there was perfection.

Unfortunately the silence did not last as the cries of a young child echoed from down the hall. Malfoy had learned the different cries -- hunger, pain, diaper change, etc. -- most of which he left to the elves. This one was different, Draco was calling for his parents, wanting to be held by those whom he was their heir.

It was funny to Lucius how such a small child could have such a powerful hold on him. Kissing Bella, he got out of bed and wrapped himself in his black robe. "Make yourself comfortable, I'll be back in a few minutes." Slowly he moved towards to door to tend to his responsibilities.

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