InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "im at my breaking point"

lily (evansagain) wrote in 99deatheaters,
@ 2011-07-19 21:42:00

who: Lily Evans & Severus Snape
when: Tuesday night
where: Spinner's End
why: Desperate measures

It's ready when you are.

The image of that handwriting was burned across the forefront of Lily's recollection. Her heart hammered against her chest as she considered the ramifications of this message. So many things told Lily she was naive to put her trust in anyone at this point, least of all a wizard aligned with Voldemort. She was foolish to be willing to waltz into his house (well, she could hardly waltz in, Lily had never been one for dancing). Perhaps most grossly, she was a downright idiot for willingly giving her son a potion prepared by a Death Eater. This was not lost on Lily, and yet something inside her knew that Severus Snape would not betray her. Their friendship was one for the world, and Lily was certain that she could trust him with her life as she could trust James. There had been a time in her life where this notion made Lily feel guilty, yet tonight she found that she was nothing short of relieved for Severus.

James, on the other hand, he was the one for whom she was feeling guilty. She had not told him of her plan (how could she?) and she doubted he would be precisely overjoyed at the thought. She fully intended to alter Harry's appearance and pass him off as someone elses child. Harry would grow up calling Alice and Frank mum and dad without a clue who Lily and James were. He would never know how much they loved him and what they sacrificed for him, because this was the safest route. Lily was nearing her wit's end, fighting day in and day out to ensure that Harry was cared for and alive. It was wearing on her physically and emotionally to the point that there were days, Gryffindor be sodded, she wondered how she could continue on. And should the day come that she could not, she needed Harry to be with someone who could care for him properly and raise him the way Lily and James would have raised in in another place, another time.

Though she'd have preferred to leave Harry somewhere else, Lily had no choice but to take him along. She wanted Harry to be at Spinner's End when he took the Potion in case something went wrong. Lily was not modest when she claimed that she learned most of her Potionswork from Severus; he was a true magician with a cauldron. That said, she gave him the last of a sleeping draught she had saved and set off.

Unsure of how best to enter the home - she had always thought it a bit rude to just Apparate into someone's living room...once Sirius had done and caught Lily without any trousers on...a memory he jovially recounts to embarrass her still - Lily Apparated right on the other side of the front door. "It's me," she announced. It might be necessary as well, for Lily had not looked like herself for a while. With blonde hair and the lost weight, she looked easily five years older. With the help of a few Charms to get rid of freckles and change the shape of her face a bit, most of her distinguishing features were gone.

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bluenose
2011-07-20 02:47 am UTC (link)

When Severus had expressed extreme caution to Lily, he certainly did not mean this. Granted it had been later in the evening, however, his father was just taken into custody after being found rummaging the outer perimeter of what was known to many as the rather dreary Spinner's End. The fact that she was attempting nearly the same feat was equally puzzling as it was worrisome to the dark wizard. Severus quickly retrieved his wand from his coat pocket to gently pull back the curtains looming over one his front windowpanes. He was pacing; looking for something to bail him out of this sudden cesspool of negative thoughts that began to relentlessly produce by the minute. It was interesting to see himself this way—caring about another when this time his own life was on the line. While he appeared to have entertained the strong presence of the Dark Lord since graduating Hogwarts, Severus certainly had his fair share of reserves as did any other Death Eater. In fact, if it hadn't been for that same innocence which caused Lily to come to Cokeworth that night, he most likely wouldn't have been as sympathetic as he was to what was now known as the ‘Filth’.

Severus motioned toward the side-door, the one Lily often came to during their childhood when she happened to be in search of him. It was often locked when Severus was young, which made it all the more unpredictable when it came to identifying an escape route. “You are insane to have brought this chil—” started Severus in a low whisper, as he silently slid the door open, “Harry, this infant of yours. If you are planning to leave, I don't know how much time you will have. They have taken my father and have sanctioned patrols in this area for the remainder of the night.” he would have gently closed the door should Lily, clutching her child, have passed through quietly. It wasn't until Severus took notice of her artificial features that he pondered whether or not the person who he had let in was truly Lily Evans. Through the exhaustion and exceptional charm-work, Severus knew that it was.

“Take a seat, if you must. I'm sure you're exhausted.”

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evansagain
2011-07-20 03:07 am UTC (link)

If Lily weren't hyper aware of the facts presented before her (Severus is a Death Eater, there are patrols, you are wanted, you know, those sort of things), she might have enjoyed a moment's fondness as seeing his face. It had been months - perhaps even closer to a year- since she had last laid eyes upon him. It seemed almost curious that he was the same old Severus. "What was I supposed to do, drop him off at my mum's?" Lily asked a little testily. He was right, of course, but she didn't appreciate him pointing it out. What he said next was much more welcomed, and Lily gratefully took a seat on a slightly tattered sofa. "Thank you," she said, unable to stop it coming from her mouth. Evan as she said it, she wasn't sure if she was thanking him for the offer of a seat or for helping her disguise Harry. "And should I have to leave, feel free to give a convincing show of chasing after me," she added in an attempt to lighten the mood. A quick smile flitted across her face, temporarily offering some glimpse of the ghost of a girl, before her lips settled back into the worried line they had made their own.

Because time was never on her side anymore, Lily wasted no time in catching up. She was certain many things had happened to Severus between now and the last time they spoke, but they were hardly her business anymore, and there were more important matters to tend to. "How strong is this brew of yours?" she asked wearily. "It's...it will be safe for him, right? The dosage, I mean?" Lily hardly fancied the idea of forcing a potion down her son's throat and watching it poison his fragile body. Until this moment, she hadn't let herself consider the potentially fatal side effects of this potion; she hadn't even prepared herself for the very near reality of looking at Harry and seeing someone who didn't look like him. The thought had Lily's blood and mind pumping again."I know you've said not to thank you, Sev, but I really must. I mean it. I know," a flush colored her cheeks, "I know you have no reason to care for Harry, but waht you're doing could very well save his life. I am sorry I have asked so much of you tonight, but I do appreciate it. Perhaps one day I will be in a position to return the favor."

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bluenose
2011-07-20 03:51 am UTC (link)

In spite of Lily realizing the risks she had been putting herself and her child in, Severus could not help but to warn her. He cared for her, loved her, even though it wasn't exactly returned in the same fashion. Severus did not particularly want anything to do with James, yes, but half of the blood that ran through those very veins of Harry's was essentially Lily's, and Severus, dismissing the idea of his allegiance toward the Dark Lord, would thus lay his life, talents, and abilities down for such. It didn't necessarily help that Severus also owed James his life after being rescued from the wrath of Remus' wolf-like interpretation. Whether or not he truly believed that it was an attempt to win over Lily's heart, Severus still felt such debt was long since overdue. When Lily offered sarcasm to quickly brush off his comments, Severus narrowed his brows and proposed an expression of refusal. “I'm sure you could have envisioned something less costly.” Fingers pushed through those clammy strands of hair, as he scowled down at the infant that seemed to be resting peacefully in his mother's arms.

“I will not lie to you,” started the potion enthusiast, “You had asked for a strong brew and so a strong brew I have produced. If my calculations are correct, it is 19 times more effective than an original Polyjuice; it will last longer and the sudden alteration in appearance will be nearly impossible to identify,” Severus motioned toward a knapsack that had been dangling at his waist before revealing to her a small vial that contained a murky-colored liquid. “It is vital that we assess the right dosage. A transformation such as this can be harmful indeed, depending on such articles obtained for said transformation, in which to be applied to a child this young in age.” He lowered his head and gathered a spoon utensil from one of the kitchen tops she had been sitting beside. “As you can already tell, many Polyjuice serums are coarse in nature. Though, I have added a viable ingredient to alleviate any pain as the potion enters and departs from the infant's diaphragm.” Through the candlelight, Severus filled a small bottle partially with milk.

“I suggest we add a fourth of this glass vial to the bottle of milk here. In my expertise, you mustn't feed him no more than a diligent course of fourths at a time, Lily.”

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evansagain
2011-07-20 04:07 am UTC (link)

Severus was really doing nothing to calm her nerves, and Lily's hands were sporadically alternating between cold and clammy to hot and sweaty. Nineteen times...that was strong. There were the obvious benefits, of course, but would they outweigh the negatives? As Severus so delicately pointed out, the potion could be harmful and even a bit painful. Harry, meanwhile, slept on, with his mouth hanging open...not a care in the world. Hands shaking slightly, Lily reached fro the vial Severus had produced and turned it over in her hand. It looked like any other Polyjuice, she supposed. "How difficult was it to make?" she asked, partly genuinely interested so she could follow procedure and partly stalling to prolong the inevitable. "And how long should it last? I -" Well, she hadn't exactly explained to Severus why she needed such a potion. The obvious assumption was simply that she was attempting to convincingly disguise Harry without performign countless spells and charms on him daily (usually three times daily). The more complex truth was that she needed to know how to brew this potion because she needed to teach Frank and/or Alice how to brew this potion. And they needed to know exactly how to administer it. "I should like to know how long I've got before I need to brew a further supply," she supplied. "Which begs my next question...would you mind jotting down your directions?"

Giving Severus the vial back, Lily readjusted Harry on her lap and ran a hand over his incorrigable hair; he looked so like James. "There's no time like the present, eh?" she asked to no one in particular, perhaps the walls. That said, she roused Harry, who immediately began to fuss after having been interrupted from his slumper. Lily propped him against a shoulder and shushed him, lulling him back into that pleasant state between sleeping and awake. "Here," she said, pulling a vial of her own from her coat pocket. She'd rather sneakily plucked a hair from a young muggle boy just yesterday - he looked to be around Harry's age. "If you'll put that in and give me the bottle, we'll...er...get this show on the road."

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bluenose
2011-07-20 04:39 am UTC (link)

“Ninety-six hours,” retorted Severus, as he noticed the unfamiliar-looking woman sitting in his kitchen shrill with suspense. If there was one thing Severus didn't particularly like—disregarding Sirius Black—it was revealing his secrets to others. Though, he hadn't been that removed from society since his early years at school; thus explaining his small diary containing a variety of his spell and potion creations left in the care of Horace Slughorn's classroom. Filling his lungs with the dusty air around them, Severus exhaled slowly before nodding his head in acceptance. “Well, as egotistical as I can be, it really depends on those who brew it. I would trust one with a steady-hand and a forgiving appetite. You will need to conjure a very basic, though highly concentrated Polyjuice and add these exact variations—” Severus' upper-lip lifted in satisfaction, as he removed a tapered scroll of parchment from the same knapsack that he retrieved the potion from. “I had a nagging feeling you weren't looking to risk a second trip back here no matter how dire the situation at hand may be.” On the scroll read the ingredients printed neatly in Severus' hand-writing. As Lily became more comfortable with the thought of feeding Harry the potion, Severus, though slightly against doing it at this exact location, took the vial containing freshly plucked hairs and set them down next to the bottle of milk. Unlatching the cap from the bottle of milk, Severus quickly dabbed a fourth of the brew into the pearly mixture. Before swiveling the cap back on to the bottle, Severus savored the hair samples by isolating one small strand and dropping it into the bottle of milk. Tightening the cap, he gave it a nice swish before handing it over to Lily and cleaning up the remaining items sprawled about the kitchen table.

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evansagain
2011-07-20 04:10 pm UTC (link)

Lily calculated the math quickly in her mind - ninety six hours equated to four days. It was certainly better than Polyjuice, but Lily paled at the thought of Frank and Alice having to give Harry a potion every four days for the rest of this war...or at least until people assumed the real Harry Potter was dead, which Lily was still working on. For now, it was her best shot, and she would take it. She was thankful that Severus had noted his ingredients and his steps in brewing the potion in what appeared to be very straightforward directions. Lily happened to know that Frank had a hand with Herbology, so she hoped that would translate well into Potions. It was a stretch, but a girl could dream. If needed, she would brew the potion herself and have someone deliver it for her. She could make an excessive batch to last a month while she stayed with the Weasleys, for instance.

Lily watched Severus swirl the bottle with equal parts interest and fear. Ever the student, the part of her that longed for knowledge and skill was quite curious about this new concoction. She was also slightly amused at the sight of Severus Snape holding a bottle, but that was neither here nor there. She accepted the bottle from him and brought it to Harry's mouth. "I hope it doesn't taste too foul," she commented, first dabbing a bit on her fingers and moistening Harry's lip with them. When Harry didn't seem to object too much, Lily allowed him to take the bottle in, his grubby little hands clutching at it himself. Before her eyes, Lily watched as Harry transformed. The thick, wild hair that adorned his head shortened and smoothed. His eyes faded from her green to a brilliant blue. His nose, no longer pert, flattened and turned up a bit. If she squinted, Lily could still find her Harry, but this baby in her arms looked nearly like a stranger to her now.

"Merlin," she breathed out. It was a bizarre feeling to hold your and see someone else, and on top of that, elation was swimming in her stomach. This would fool a Death Eater; it could perhaps even fool James, that was how convincing the brew was. "You've done it," she said, a light bemused laugh to her tone. "No one would recognize him as mine or -" She stopped herself from saying James's name. "You, Severus Snape, are as brilliant as ever," she finished, beaming.

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bluenose
2011-07-20 11:49 pm UTC (link)

“Quiet down now, Lily,” said Severus as he motioned to put the rest of the materials they had been working with away. Apparently she had not taken into account that they were still amongst dangerous territory and even though Severus may have come off a bit harsh to her overjoy towards his handiwork, Severus tried to remain calm and focused in spite of her higher pitch in tone. “Just promise me you will continue to be safe .. the .. both of you. My business with the Dark Lord has become quite straining, I don't know how long I can be a .. reliable resource to you.” Severus' gaze placed itself back upon Lily and her babe, finally taking it their true metamorphosis. “And while we are on the subject, I should probably tell you that .. ” Severus swallowed hard, trying to dull the emotion that tugged along with this arising conversation. “The Dark Lord has sent me to kill two wizards .. Remus Lupin is one of them.” Severus knew that she had a healthy relationship with the werewolf and this bit of information wasn't to taunt her or scare her. It was to put things in perspective for her—which was most likely uncalled for and redundant. But the potioneer was at a crossroads at this point. He did not want to take the life of someone he had grown up with, especially someone who had often opposed, though reluctantly, to the abuse he received as a student in Hogwarts. However the Dark Lord had been genuine when he meant that Severus would be forced to give his life in return should he fail. Was that something he wanted to lose? .. Well, of course not.

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evansagain
2011-07-21 01:15 am UTC (link)

Concern colored Lily's face as Severus mentioned the strain he endured from his work with Voldemort. Though it was through his own choice, and there was a part of Lily that figured Severus had to lie in the bed she made, she could not help but feel some sympathy. She liked to think she understood Severus, or at least that she had understood him once. She refused to believe that he could be so carelessly and callously content with his current position, regardless of how he truly felt about it.

When he pressed forward and revealed that he was being held personally accountable for the death of Remus Lupin, Lily's breath caught in her throat. She couldn't help it, and her mouth hung slightly open in sheer shock and horror. "No," she breathed, but she knew Severus would not make up such a story. The incredulous, soft no soon reverberated into a stronger, more defensive "No," a second time. "You can't," she blustered, "he...he has done nothing to deserve death." Lily was on her feet swiftly, jostling Harry onto a hip, who looked around in curiosity and slight fear as if he sensed the sudden surge in his mother's adrenaline. "What will you do?" she asked. Would he kill Remus? Would he risk the backlash of not killing Remus? Strings of her heart alternated between pulling for Severus and pulling for Remus. She had to warn Remus, naturally, but doing so would endanger Severus, yet she couldn't just let Severus kill Remus.

Rock, meet Hard Place.

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bluenose
2011-07-21 01:56 am UTC (link)

“I don't know,” Severus was wary at the thought of killing Remus. In fact, he was wary at the thought of killing anyone for that matter. Of course he had been guilty of some sort of murder by now, but such hostile events had occurred several months ago—a time in which he thought he could keep buried inside of his haunted past now that the Dark Lord had the satisfaction of taking over the Ministry of Magic. Apparently not. “Perhaps there could be a way to conceal his death. Though, I am not the only one assigned to these individuals. The Dark Lord gave me a partner and this partner can not get to him before I do.” Severus lowered his head before raising his finger-tips to the smooth skin adjacent to his forehead. “I don't know,” repeated Severus as he finally took a seat at the table he had prepared Harry's serum upon. “One of us will not survive. This is the best resolution I can think of right now.” Severus would contact Remus through the journal system and ultimately hope for the best. As for Maxwell, the other on his hit-list—there was simply nothing he could do.

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evansagain
2011-07-21 01:58 am UTC (link)

It was unfair. The sentiment was childish, to pout and whine and become upset that the world was not fair, yet Lily could not help it coming to mind. Why should Severus be ordered to kill Remus -and Lily was no idiot, she could only assume the consequences of not killing Remus. Why should either of them have to die? Why should she and Harry be forced to live in woods? Why should James have to marry someone new? Why should Marlene be giving birth to a baby whose younger halfsibling will be born within the year?

"You'll make it right," Lily stated simply. She wanted to believe it more than she actually did believe it, but believing in things often made them so. "You're not a bad person, Severus. Remember that." She nearly pushed forth and urged Severus to abandon his place with the Death Eaters, but she knew that would be a moot point. Even if Severus cared to do so, it was no secret that abandoning the ranks was the highest form of treason, and the punishment ended in a grave - and that was assuming a body was found to bury.

"But I fear I've placed you in danger too long. Thank you again for your help. I hope we'll see each other again one day when this is all said and done." Lily was readjusting Harry again and preparing to Disapparate when she thought to ask the obvious question. She was mid-Apparition. "Who is it I'm assigned to?"

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