Movie: Prince Caspian (Liveblogging)
If I ever read Prince Caspian, I've long since forgotten it. So this review is strictly as a movie goer, though with some 'I read British books as a wee lass' thrown in.
Like I said, not having much memory of Prince Caspian at all and in fact I wonder ifI read Voyager of the Dawntreader and missed Caspian altogether - it feels like a bit of a modern touch to have the children have had some trouble adjusting to having the memories of a life grown up.
On the one hand, however I find myself wondering just how adult could their lives have been in a world with no other adults but each other to interact with? If all your live lessons are learned in context of other species and -their- norms, how do you know you were really mature to start with? What other humans were allowed into the courts/lands of Narnia? Weren't sons of Adam/daughters of Eve rare because of the Witch?
Anyway it took me a moment of wtf at it being Peter fighting and not Edward. And then I remembered the big to do in the prior movie about Peter finding his manhood, via knighthood. It's likely irritating as hell knowing you've proven yourself a man and were recognized for that but there's no one currently around who bothers to see that in you.
That actually took me right -into- the movie. It was a little piece of Narnia before the actual arrival of the place, Narnia.
And then all of a sudden it's right back into the generic fantasy adventure of 'The rightful heir flees before his wicked relative severs him from life'. Suddenly I'm in fantasy Spain and it's the 'fantasy' Inquisition.
Uhm, did no one see the problems with making a black actor with an accent (which I can't quite place. It makes me think Caribbean but concentration says African) a centuar? Then again apparently casting directors don't come with a lack of privilege and a sack full of insight.
Anyway, there's lovely Aslan and Lucy bits, some Americinized classic Superhero 'Fight then Friend'. And then it's back to the 'fantasy spain Inquisition' with the evil, evil, oh he's so evil, despot and his evil evil ways, spreading EVIL and did you hear us? EVIL all through the land, along with pain and lies.
Then there's the member measuring between Caspian and Peter. On the one hand I feel like saying 'Peter's High King of NARNIA' you have your own people Caspian. And on the other I'm getting fed up with Peter strikes for independence to recapture his manhood clashing with Caspian's 'Buh buh but I'm the King. What about me?'
Meanwhile Susan's hormones have sprung into action and Lucy's left going "Hello? Remember Aslan? Hellooooooo??'
Sorry Lucy, if people listened to your reason there likely wouldn't be a forthcoming opportunity to show what a really, really EVIL BAD man Caspian's uncle is.
Ahhhd right on schedule "Your father underestimated your uncle and now your father, he is dead dead dead!"
"Oh noes! Now I must go confront! Be damned the plan. My uncle is EVIL too evil to be believed!"
=== As a side note. If I have a relative and I know they do bad stuff and I know they're responsible for trying to kill me and chasing me to hither come? I am not going to 'confront them for the truth' if it's intimated that they killed someone else in the family. Hell I can always do that if they live through my retaking my place in society. But I'll damn well take it as a given.
Why oh WHY is there a useless confrontation scene? Either they'll lie and say no. And the protagonist goes "No, you're lying!" At which point I go "So why the fuck did you ask??" or they say yes and the protagonist has a complete nutter breakdown and emotions spill and focus goes down the crapper. ===
So there's the big confrontation scene and of course the villian gets away to raise the alarm. Woop de do, the trials and tribulations of 'fantasy spain and the Inquisition'. Do note that in 'fantasy spain and the Inquisition' the worse thing to happen to a child is to grow up fatherless, even when a fatherless child is standing right in front of you showing himself to be an honourable and decent man - still too decent to just shank a bitch and leave the evil troops leaderless.
Meanwhile as the battle rages, I can't help but think how this is all playing in to EVIL!BASTARD!UNCLE!'s plans with the whole 'Those beings we tried to annihilated have come to KILL US. They invaded my castle!' Truthfully the 4 and even Capsian have no way of knowing what evil and dire plots the uncle is planning. But I'm left thinking 'Hey, what about those men at the river from whom you stole your weapons. They wont' be in the castle, yes? So what about them?'
Battle rages some more and begin to turn badly. Golly surprise. It's not as if they tried to take a castle that was built for sieging and shock full of regiments, right?
*sighs* Action Adventure Fantasy Spain with the Inquisition
*more sighing* Evil Coronation.
I admit that some of what I'm sighing about might have existed in C.S. Lewis' books first and then people took them and cliched them to death. But holy moly roly cows, mankind.
[ The music's reminding me of some other villian at this point, but I can't quite catch it. It's similar but not enough for my mind. But I keep thinking fat (as in morbidly huge) and creepy ]
Oh yes, Uncle Evil *evils with swagger and sneer*
... This temptation of Capsian has to be a movie invention, right? Did CS Lewis really write some babbling female ugly thing conjuring the White Witch ? And I'm horribly disappointed that they had Lucy atempt to kill the dwarf BUT FAIL. If dear gentle Lucy thinks you need to die, then by golly they should have let her be successful.
Oh and this Caspian & Susan saving blah blah has to be Hollyfreakingwood. What? A woman hold her own with a knight?
.... "Keep your life"
"Keep your life????!!!"
WTF?
These people are EVIL. You've only been telling me all effing movie long that they're EVIL. Like hell they wont' immediately wage a war AND you'll have a bitter resentful old man to boot. G'damn. KEEP YOUR LIFE? Dear Disney, you are teaching the little children the most STUPID THING EVER. A battle to the death, but then you let evil KEEP HIS LIFE??
I predict this will not go over well. Especially not with Uncle's plotting hench lords quite so close.
Annnnd I'm right. And look, it looks like Susan's arrow to boot.
*sighs*
Question, why is the Narnian Army near enough to see what happens but not the other Army? Plot necessity?
Oh! THIS attack of the trees/woods is totally what I wanted to see happen in LOTR. Just for the record. And finally moves the movie away from 'fantasy spain and the Inquisition'.
I have no actual review for this. It's mostly be a one liner about how Hollywood having lost the ability to tell stories that are more than just diversions, now puts greasy fingers all over remakes of stories that are more and I grow weary and wary of it.